


In any version of reality, I'd find you (and I'd choose you)

by SeraBee



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23217184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraBee/pseuds/SeraBee
Summary: AU. Set in November 2013. Vanessa has just had her confusing affair with Rhona and Charity has just broken up with Jai after finding out he has a secret love child with another woman. The two women find some common ground.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 82
Kudos: 395





	1. November 2013

The Woolpack was almost empty. Vanessa glanced around as she made her way to the bar and was relieved to find that there was no one local around, only half a dozen hikers who seemed to have stopped for a pint on their way through the village. Chas was behind the bar, though she was staring into space, obviously deep in thought, and hadn’t seen Vanessa come in.

Clearing her throat to alert Chas to her presence, she was relieved when Chas greeted with her a warm smile. After allowing the landlady to stay with her for a week or so while the pub was a crime scene, Chas had been bending over backwards to repay the favour.

“Vanessa! Pint, is it? On the house of course,”

Chas was already reaching for the pint glass.

“Actually, I was thinking of something a bit stronger today, and these free drinks should probably stop now, or you’ll end up bankrupting yourself,”

Chas laughed. Vanessa’s ability to drink almost anyone under the table wasn’t exactly a secret.

“You’re probably right you know, if everyone but you left the village, I reckon we’d still make a profit every week! So what do you fancy?”

Vanessa glanced at the row of optics. Spirits weren’t normally her drink of choice as she tended to get drunk much faster, but suddenly, drunk was exactly what she wanted to be.

“I’ll have a whiskey please… straight, no ice,”

Chas nodded and got on with making the drink.

Vanessa had fully intended to go straight home after work, but the thought of going home to an empty house and sitting in front of the TV all night had not appealed to her in the slightest after the day she’d had. Nothing terrible had happened really; it had been an average day full of regular appointments and typical veterinary dilemmas. But watching Paddy and Rhona carry on as if nothing had happened, as if she and Rhona had never happened, well, it hurt more than she was willing to admit.

“Rough day?” Chas asks, placing the glass of whiskey in front of Vanessa.

Passing Chas a £5 note, Vanessa poured the amber liquid down her throat in one go, shivering as she felt the warmth spread through her chest and into her gut.

“Another please Chas,” she asked, sliding the empty glass back towards the barmaid.

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Chas grinned, ringing two whiskeys through the till before refilling Vanessa’s glass.

Vanessa thought about talking to Chas. The news of her and Rhona had done the rounds of the village by now and Chas was one of the few people who hadn’t looked at her with pity or disgust, hadn’t talked behind her back or made little jokes about Vanessa being confused about her sexual orientation. But despite their brief stint as roomies, Vanessa didn’t really know Chas all that well, and she didn’t want to cross any lines.

“It’s nothing,” she smiled, taking the replenished glass from Chas and sliding off the bar stool. She made her way over to a booth in the corner and slid into it. The truth was that she wouldn’t know what to say to Chas even if she did feel like talking about it. She had never felt more confused and more unlike herself than she did today. She had tried telling herself that the addiction and the shared secrets had been a perfect storm. That without those elements of it, she would never have fallen in love with Rhona. She tried telling herself that she’d never been attracted to women before, so Rhona must have been a fluke.

And yet, she couldn’t deny that she had loved Rhona ever since they had met in the student union bar. She hadn’t realised that it was love until these last few months, but ever since she had thrown up all over Rhona’s shoes, they had become inseparable, and the closer they had gotten, the more Vanessa had found herself wanting to be around her as much as possible. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she had questioned her sexuality before too. She had freaked out when she’d fantasised about Rhona in the middle of a stupid one night stand and had spent weeks avoiding her best friend and torturing herself over it. She’d come so close to admitting things to her then, but she had grown up with a mother who thought homosexuality was ‘disgusting’ and ‘perverse’, so she’d chosen instead to bury her feelings and her confusion and try her best to forget about Rhona.

Which had worked for her just fine, especially after uni ended and they had gone their separate ways. But when Rhona had rang her out of the blue, begging her to come and help them out, enough time had passed that Vanessa was certain she’d imagined those feelings.

Deep in thought, Vanessa didn’t notice the pub doors swing open. She didn’t notice the flounce with which Charity Dingle walked to the bar and ordered her drink. She didn’t even notice the heated exchange between Charity and Chas as the blonde ordered a large glass of wine. No, she only noticed Charity Dingle when the woman threw herself into the booth across from Vanessa and slammed her glass down on the table to announce her presence.

Looking up, Vanessa frowned. She looked around the pub at the dozen or so empty tables and then back again at Charity – a woman she had barely spoken two words to since arriving in the village. Why on earth had she sat here? What could she possibly have to say Vanessa? Thankfully, Vanessa didn’t have to wait long for Charity to explain herself.

“Look, if Jai follows me in here, can you just pretend that we’re talking. I really don’t want to have to deal with him right now.”

Vanessa had heard about the break up. About Rachel and Jai and baby Archie. It was hard to live in a village like Emmerdale and not be constantly aware of everyone else’s business. Now that she had been the victim of the gossip grapevine however, Vanessa felt a little guilty at all the times she had egged Pearl on and listened eagerly to her wild tales.

Still, Charity had never deemed Vanessa worth talking to before and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to get involved in what, by all accounts, was a particularly nasty break up.

Before she could respond to Charity’s request however, Jai stormed into the Woolpack, looking around wildly until he spotted Charity and stormed over. Spotting him out of the corner of her eye, Charity didn’t bother turning to look. Instead, she reached for Vanessa’s hand and laughed loudly at nothing at all.

“That was hilarious, Vanessa!” she exclaimed. Vanessa tried not to look as confused as she felt. Not knowing what else to do, she smiled and nodded before knocking back the remaining whisky in her glass.

“Charity,” Jai began, placing his hands firmly on their table. Charity didn’t allow him to continue.

“Look Jai, wind your neck in, I’m trying to have a drink and a catch up with my mate Vanessa here, and she doesn’t need to see you making a fool of yourself,”

She glared at him with such rage that Vanessa felt terrified for Jai. If looks could kill, Jai would have spontaneously combusted on the spot. But looks couldn’t kill and Jai must have been used to Charity’s anger by now, because he didn’t leave them alone. Instead, he looked over at Vanessa and scoffed.

“Another lesbian vet, Charity? Really? You’re a lot of things, but I never thought you’d be this predictable,”

Charity looked confused for a moment, raising an eyebrow at Vanessa who could feel the fire in her cheeks at Jai’s words. Always one to find an opportunity in any given situation however, Charity didn’t miss a beat.

“And so what if that is what this is?” she yelled, standing up and bring her face to within millimetres of his. “What business is that of yours? We might still be married Jai, but we’re over, so move on already. I have.”

Sitting back down, she flashed what Vanessa assumed was supposed to be a flirtatious grin her way. The fire in Vanessa’s cheeks had now spread through her entire body. This was certainly not how she had imagined her evening turning out.

Sensing that he was fighting a losing battle, Jai let out a frustrated growl and slammed his fists on the table before turning and storming back out of the pub.

Vanessa found herself staring intently at the empty glass in her hands. She didn’t want to look up at Charity until she had somehow managed to get her heart rate back under control. Charity Dingle pretending to her husband that she was somehow ‘involved’ with Vanessa had conjured up some interesting images to Vanessa’s mind and suddenly she felt intensely aware of just how attractive the taller blonde was.

Reaching out, Charity patted Vanessa’s empty hand with her own.

“Thanks for that. Sorry to drag you into my shambles of a marriage like that,”

Still not entirely sure what had just happened or why, Vanessa simply shrugged.

“It’s fine,” she mumbled, finally finding the courage to look up and meet Charity’s eyes with her own. The rage that had practically radiated from Charity just moments before was completely gone. With the threat of Jai bothering her taken care of, she had relaxed and was smiling, staring at Vanessa as though she was a puzzle she couldn’t quite figure out.

“So, is it true then? Are you the next Zoe Tate?”

“Zoe who?” Vanessa answered, completely confused.

“She used to own the vets before Paddy, preferred the fairer sex, quite popular around here until she blew up Home Farm and ran off with her nephew and daughter,”

“I have no idea who she is,” Vanessa insisted. “Paddy must have left the history of the practice out of my induction,”

It was a poor attempt at humour, but Vanessa was desperate to deflect the now unsettling gaze of Charity. Despite her best efforts, she kept getting drawn back into eye contact, inexplicably mesmerised by the pale green eyes that stared back at her.

Charity had just enough manners to offer her a small laugh, and just enough decency to notice Vanessa’s discomfort and change the subject. Sort of.

“Men are wankers,” she blurted out, drinking the last few drops of her wine. “Want another? My treat, to say thank you…”

Vanessa knew she should decline the offer. Getting even marginally involved in the Charity Dingle Drama of the Month was probably the most idiotic thing she could possibly do. She opened her mouth to make her excuses, but found herself accepting the offer instead.

“I’ll have a pint,” she nodded, suddenly not wanting to be completely wasted on Whiskey if she was going to have to engage in some sort of conversation with Charity.

When Charity returned with their drinks, she didn’t immediately ask Vanessa about Jai’s comment again. As it turned out, Charity was smarter than that. Instead, she prattled on about her own disastrous love life. Not wanting to be rude, Vanessa managed to nod and smile sympathetically in all the right places. She suddenly knew far more about Charity’s life than she’d ever wanted to, and she had to admit, that what Jai and Rachel had done was pretty awful. If any of her past partners had kept their love child a secret for a year, she’s not sure she would be able to forgive and forget either.

“Anyway, enough about me. What about your love life? Surely, it can’t be any worse than mine.”

Taking a sip of her beer, Vanessa raised her eyebrows over her glass.

“Oh, trust me, it’s pretty messy and pathetic. You don’t want to know.”

Charity did not agree. She did want to know, and against her better judgement, Vanessa found herself explaining the whole sorry situation to her. And as it turned out, Charity was actually one of the few people in the village that hadn’t heard the gossip. Vanessa could tell by the way her eyes widened and her jaw slackened.

“You know, I always suspected Rhona was a bit curious,” she smiled.

“Oh, she isn’t. She used me, plain and simple. She’s totally straight.”

It had felt almost like relief telling the whole sorry story to Charity. She hadn’t once grimaced or looked disgusted by the whole thing and she’d actually listened to Vanessa’s side of the story without accusing her of anything. And yet, Vanessa was still wary. Was still waiting for the judgement to come.

But it didn’t.

“So, Rhona is straight, but you aren’t?” Charity asked, swirling the wine around in her glass as she raised one eyebrow at Vanessa and worried her bottom lip between her teeth. Vanessa found herself drawn to Charity’s lips and before she could drag her eyes away, Charity noticed.

“Nope, definitely not straight are you?”

Vanessa felt the anger swell inside of her chest. It was bad enough having Paddy and Marlon call her a lesbian as if it made her some sort of perverted sex pest, and it was hard enough trying to work through all the confusing feelings she had by herself, but to have a practical stranger suddenly insert herself into the situation and figure it out for her in a matter of minutes was just too much.

“Look, thanks for the drinks Charity, but I really think you need to mind your own business. I have to go.”

Leaving a quarter of her pint behind, Vanessa gathered her bag and coat and stood up to leave.

A gentle hand on her arm stopped her and she turned back to Charity, prepared to give her another mouthful of abuse. The look on Charity’s face, however, made the anger fizzle out. It wasn’t pity, or disgust. It was almost understanding.

“Hey,” she whispered, not wanting to draw any more attention to them both than Vanessa had already. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I know what it’s like to have everyone talking behind your back. And I didn’t mean to make light of all this stuff with Rhona.”

Vanessa huffed before dropping back down heavily into her seat, her bag and coat still clutched tightly in her arms.

“No, I’m sorry for snapping,” she mumbled. “It’s just all very confusing for me. I’d never really acted on these feelings before Rhona.”

Charity nodded, processing Vanessa’s confession carefully.

“It must be pretty confusing then,” she admitted, risking Vanessa’s reaction by placing a comforting hand on Vanessa’s arm. The touch was innocent and friendly, but Vanessa felt goosebumps rise up beneath the sleeve of her sweater and was suddenly acutely aware of how fast and hard her heart was beating in her chest. Suddenly unable to speak, she simply looked at Charity and nodded.

“You know, I might be able to help you out…”

Charity was staring at her with a burning intensity. A cheeky wink left Vanessa under no illusion as to what Charity was implying. Surprisingly, Vanessa found herself wanting to accept Charity’s help. She found herself imagining how it would feel to take off Charity’s clothes and run her fingers along naked skin. She imagined running her fingers through Charity’s long, blonde curls as she straddled her hips. She imagined how it might feel to be touched by Charity and felt her body respond to her imaginings.

Suddenly aware that she was staring at the dip of Charity’s shirt and the hint of cleavage that it revealed, Vanessa felt the heat rising in her cheeks again.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I really have to go…” she mumbled, and this time Charity didn’t try to stop her.

As she hurried towards the door of the Woolpack, Vanessa found herself glancing back as she opened the door. Charity was watching her leave and as she caught Vanessa’s eye, she winked and smiled.


	2. December 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa tries to stop Charity from making a big mistake.

It was a particularly bleak, early December morning when Vanessa next heard the latest instalment of Charity Dingle drama from Pearl. No sooner had she rushed into the warmth of the surgery and closed the door against the icy wind, than Pearl was thrusting a steaming hot cup of tea into her hands and telling her to brace herself.

“What is it Pearl?” she groaned, putting the mug down on the desk so she could peel off her gloves and hang up her coat.

“Well, I was talking to Brenda this morning who’d overheard Debbie and Cain talking in the café, and it seems like Charity and Jai are going to give it another go – apparently they’re moving back in today!”

Vanessa made a concerted effort to roll her eyes and shrug, hoping to convince herself and Pearl that she had no interest in Charity Dingle’s relationship status whatsoever.

“Well, I guess that’s their prerogative…” she mumbled, picking up the patient folders on Pearl’s desk and making a point of reading through them.

“Well, I don’t think I could do it. How can she trust him after he kept that baby a secret for nearly a year?”

Mustering all the self-control she could, Vanessa forced herself to change the subject.

“What have Paddy and Rhona got on this morning?”

Pearl looked crestfallen. Clearly, she had been expecting Vanessa to be as interested in this latest development as she had been. Sullenly, she informed the vet that Paddy and Rhona had call outs all morning and surgeries in the afternoon which left Vanessa covering routine appointments.

“Well, I’ll be in the office if you need me. Send Mr Doherty and Jethro through please when they arrive…”

Vanessa let out a sigh as she closed the office door behind her, leaning against it momentarily as she closed her eyes and tried to shake all thoughts of Charity Dingle out of her mind. Pearl’s news had bothered her more than she had been willing to show. After all, less than a fortnight ago she had listened to Charity rant for almost an hour about what a waste of oxygen Jai was and had even shared, in gory detail, some of her fantasies of revenge. One had involved the rather savage removal of a certain appendage.

Could Charity really be intending to try again with him? Or was this all just part of a twisted revenge plot? More importantly, why on earth did she even care?

Vanessa hated to admit it, but after Charity’s flirty behaviour in the pub and the subtle proposition she had made, she had been finding herself thinking about Charity Dingle a lot more than usual. Not that that was difficult. Prior to their unexpected encounter in the pub, Vanessa had never given Charity much thought at all. It was almost as if her fling with Rhona had opened up Pandora’s box. For a brief time, she had happily entertained the idea of falling in love with, and being with, another woman. Of course, after realising that nothing like that was actually going to happen with Rhona, she had tried so hard to put it all back in the box and move on. The trouble was, that all those feelings and thoughts had gotten too big for the box. They just kept tumbling back out. And now, those pesky thoughts were attaching themselves like limpets to Charity bloody Dingle.

Vanessa groaned, slumped down in her chair and let her head fall onto the arms she had folded on the desk.

Thankfully, her morning was busy enough to keep her distracted. Jethro the parrot came and went, followed by a French Poodle named Toots and a chinchilla named Albert. As she cleaned up the surgery and began contemplating where to spend her lunch hour, Pearl appeared.

“Guess who I’ve just seen!” she exclaimed, hands clasped together in excitement, her eyes bulging behind her spectacles.

“Santa Claus?” Vanessa asked.

Pearl was far too excited to be bothered by her sarcasm.

“No, silly! Charity and Jai are heading over to the Woolpack… together! So I was thinking…”

Vanessa groaned. Of course Pearl was going to want to spend their lunch hour in the Woolpack now. Vanessa quickly tried to think of an excuse that wouldn’t raise suspicion. After all, she had been happily spending lunch times in the pub since she’d arrived in Emmerdale last year. To suddenly start avoiding the place would raise questions among her co-workers.

“Fine,” she grumbled, slipping off her overalls and reaching for her jacket. “Let’s go.”

She spotted Charity immediately when she walked in. She and Jai were perched on stools at the far end of the bar talking and laughing with Chas. Pearl dug her elbow into Vanessa’s side as they approached the bar.

“Look at that…” she hissed. “Shameless, he is.”

Noticing them, Chas made her way over and took their drink and lunch orders, offering to bring things over when they were ready. Vanessa wanted to sit as far away from Charity as possible and started heading for a little table in the corner, but Pearl grabbed hold of her arm and pretty much dragged her across the pub to sit in the booth directly behind the couple. As she sat down, she glanced quickly at Charity and was surprised to see that the other woman had turned to look at her too. She gave her a small smile and nod and Vanessa felt a warmth in her belly at the acknowledgement. She also saw the hint of sadness in Charity’s eyes. Outwardly, she was happy and laughing, but Vanessa could sense that things were not at all what they seemed.

After trying and failing to engage Pearl in conversation about a number of things, Vanessa gave up and left Pearl to her eavesdropping. It wasn’t hard to overhear the conversation. Jai was happily reeling off all the plans he had to spoil Charity and Noah once they returned home – and Charity was offering routine platitudes in response.

“That sound’s lovely…. Yes, Noah will love that… “

Vanessa was halfway through her fish pie when she heard Jai mention Archie for the first time. Daring to look over, she saw the tension in Charity’s hunched shoulders and heard the pain in her words but Jai didn’t seem to notice. He was blabbering on about taking Archie and Noah to see Santa next week and although Charity was saying all the right words, Vanessa could hear the strain in her voice. She wasn’t too surprised when Charity made her excuses and headed for the ladies.

“Just need to use the little girl’s room, Pearl. That beer’s gone straight through me,” she muttered as she slid out from the booth and followed Charity into the toilets. It was only as she placed her hand on the bathroom door that she realised that it really wasn’t her place to be checking up on Charity Dingle. They weren’t even friends. They were barely acquaintances. And yet the thought of Charity being upset had bothered her so much that she was now following the woman into the toilets of the Woolpack.

She found Charity at the sink, her hands gripping the sides until her knuckles whitened. She was staring at herself in the mirror with an unsettling smile on her face. It took a moment for Vanessa to realise why it was unsettling. The smile didn’t reach her eyes and as soon as she noticed Vanessa watching her, the smile simply slid away.

“What do you want?” she grumbled, frowning at Vanessa through the mirror.

“A wee actually,” Vanessa replied, nodding her head towards the cubicle.

“Well don’t let me stop you,”

But she didn’t need the toilet and knew she wouldn’t be able to force a wee out just to save face.

“Okay, maybe I don’t need a wee, maybe I was just worried about you…”

Vanessa stares at the floor, afraid to make eye contact. She doesn’t really know Charity at all, but she certainly doesn’t seem like the type of person who regularly talks about her feelings in bathrooms, or responds well to sympathy.

“Well don’t bother. I’m fine,” Charity snaps, and Vanessa flinches at the hardness in her voice. Perhaps this hadn’t been the best idea she’d ever had, but she figured that if Charity was already annoyed, she didn’t really have anything to lose by pushing the issue.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Only, the other week, you were ready to murder Jai in his sleep, but now you’re back playing happy families and it’s obvious you’re not happy about it…”

Charity scoffs.

“Thought you were a vet, not a therapist babe. Do us a favour, yeah? Don’t give up your day job,”

Vanessa was about to give it up and head back to her table when she noticed the tears filling up Charity’s eyes. As their eyes met in the mirror, Charity looked quickly away and wiped her eyes. Feeling brave, Vanessa closed the distance between them and placed a hand gently on Charity’s arm. Charity flinched, though she didn’t pull away from the contact. Instead, she turned around to look at Vanessa, her eyes red and puffy from holding back tears.

“Why are you going back if you’re not happy?” Vanessa asked, her voice soft and quiet.

For a moment, she thinks Charity’s going to push her away and tell her to get lost. Anger flickers across the taller blonde’s features and Vanessa feels her bicep tense beneath her palm. But the anger fades quickly and Charity’s face crumples as the tears are finally given permission to fall.

“I hate him for what he’s done. I do. But all I ever do is let Noah down. Jai is stable and he loves us. I don’t want to be alone.”

The confession is brief and Vanessa can tell that Charity feels uncomfortable offering it. She can’t even look Vanessa in the eye as she speaks. For a brief moment, all Vanessa can think about is how beautiful Charity looks with her long, blonde curls falling in front of her face. Even with smudged eyeliner and blotchy cheeks, she makes something quicken and flutter inside of Vanessa. Without thinking, Vanessa lets her hand stroke Charity’s arm.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know?” she suggests.

Charity laughs.

“Oh and what am I supposed to do? Just walk back out there and tell him to get stuffed? What would I tell Noah?”

Vanessa didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t had many long term relationships and she’d certainly never been married. No guy had ever proven interesting enough to keep around for more than a week or so. She was definitely not cut out to be some sort of marriage counsellor. And yet, Charity was looking at her with renewed intensity, expecting her to somehow have the answers, a get-out-of-jail-free card up her sleeve.

“Why don’t you make some excuse and just come round to my house? I’m sure it’ll be easier to figure things out there rather than hiding in the bathroom…”

She’s not sure why she suggests it. It sounds ridiculous and stupid the moment it leaves her mouth. An apology is on the tip of her tongue when Charity surprises her.

“Okay, I’ll tell him I have to get back to work and I’ll meet you at yours in ten minutes?”


	3. December 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest folks. I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this. I'm an amateur and did not think to 'plan' this story in advance. So I guess we're just winging it. I'm as intrigued as I hope you are to find out where this ends up.

Vanessa left the bathroom first.

“Was Charity alright?” Pearl whispered as Vanessa slid back into her seat and drank the remainder of her pint.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I think so… she was on the phone I think. Listen Pearl, I promised Moira I’d nip up and take a look at one of the cows this aft. I’ve no more appointments, so could you let Paddy and Rhona know?”

She didn’t give Pearl a chance to respond before hastily collecting her coat and bag and shuffling back out of the booth and out of the door.

Once outside in the fresh air, the ridiculousness of what she was doing became suddenly clear. What on earth had she been thinking? One conversation about depressing love lives in the pub did not make her Charity Dingle’s new best friend, and yet, here she was, inviting her over to her house and offering her a shoulder to cry on. It was true that she hadn’t exactly made many friends since arriving in the village and for the last few months, the only person that had really mattered had been Rhona. Now that Rhona was better and working on things with Paddy, Vanessa had been swept aside. Sure, they tolerated her and they were friendly with each other – but it was becoming increasingly obvious that she was on the outside looking in now.

By the time she reached her house, unlocked the door and slipped inside, she had convinced herself that she was just being friendly. That inviting Charity Dingle to her house was just an attempt to widen her social circle. She tried not to think about the fact that Charity Dingle was probably the last person she should want as a ‘friend’.

Grabbing a bottle of red wine from the rack and two glasses, Vanessa set the drinks on the coffee table before shrugging off her coat and hanging it up.

When the knock on the door came, she took a deep breath and tried on the friendliest smile she could muster.

She needn’t have bothered.

No sooner had she opened the door than Charity charged past her and made her way straight into the living room.

“Hello to you and all…” Vanessa grumbled to herself as she closed the door and followed Charity back into the house. Charity had already spotted the wine and was in the process of filling up a glass for herself.

She downed her first glass in seconds and began pouring another. It was only when she got to her third glass that she slowed down and acknowledged Vanessa’s presence.

“Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to be rude, I just didn’t want him to see me coming here,”

“What did you tell him?”

“Oh you know, that Jimmy couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery and needed my help with something. Thanks for inviting me by the way. If I had to listen to one more story about that bloody snot nosed brat and his new tooth, I was going to explode. Honestly, you’d think no child had ever grown a tooth before. Noah’s got a mouth full of them!”

Vanessa had never been maternal. With a father in jail and a mother who had only ever tolerated her at best, she hadn’t exactly had the best examples. Still, she was surprised at the venom in Charity’s voice when she talked about baby Archie – as if he had conspired to be born just to ruin Charity’s life.

“Surely it’s not the kids fault though… he didn’t ask to be born,”

For a brief moment, Vanessa thought Charity was going to throw the empty glass at her head. She obviously didn’t appreciate having her behaviour questioned. As anger flashed across her face, Vanessa wondered again why she had invited the other woman round to her house. The village was small, but just about anybody else in Emmerdale would be easier to befriend than Charity Dingle.

The anger seemed to fade almost as quickly as it had risen. With a heavy sigh, Charity sat down on the sofa, placed her glass on the coffee table and covered her face with her hands. Tentatively, Vanessa moved to sit at the opposite end of the sofa and poured herself a glass of wine.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, watching Charity from the corner of her eye as she poured.

“Pretty sure I told you all the grisly details the other week in the pub. Thanks for that and all… and also sorry, I guess, for boring you with my shambles of a marriage…”

“Oh, I wasn’t bored…” Vanessa admitted, smiling shyly. “I was mostly confused if I’m being honest… I don’t think you’d said three words to me until two weeks ago.”

Charity chuckled, turning to meet Vanessa’s eyes.

“Well, if I’m being honest, I had wrongly assumed you weren’t interesting enough to speak to,”

“Charming!” Vanessa gasped, bringing a hand to her chest in mock offence. “But pray tell, what changed your mind?”

Charity giggled then, and Vanessa wondered briefly whether she’d ever heard a more infectious and delightful sound. She relaxed a little more, bringing her feet up and shifting slightly so she was facing Vanessa.

“Well, you didn’t have to help me that day in the pub, but you did. Plus, I’d be lying if I said the whole lesbian love affair didn’t pique my interest a little…”

The intensity was back in Charity’s eyes as she gazed at her, unblinking. Vanessa felt the weight of it on her and shifted uncomfortably. She was rarely so open and honest with other people, not even those closest to her, but with Charity it suddenly felt like the easiest thing in the world. Perhaps, she mused, it was because everyone else in her life was simply ignoring the fact that it had happened, Rhona and Paddy choosing to sweep it under the proverbial rug. And therefore she’d been quietly trying to figure it all out on her own – what those feelings for Rhona had meant, if she could possibly be gay or bisexual, whether she should explore those feelings further. And here was Charity, not judging, showing interest, encouraging her to talk about it; it felt almost safe.

“I don’t know if I’d call it a lesbian love affair,” she grinned. “I don’t know if it was just Rhona or whether its women in general, I mean, we only kissed and before that I’ve only ever been with men.”

“So you guys didn’t have sex?” Charity asked. Vanessa shook her head, looking down at her wine as the warmth spread across her cheeks at the mention of sex. It wasn’t that she was a prude. Far from it. But she didn’t trust herself not to look directly at Charity and picture her naked.

“Well it sounds to me like you can’t possibly figure it all out until you’ve had that experience with someone…” Charity suggested, with just enough emphasis on the word ‘someone’ to make it clear that Charity had someone particular in mind.

“Is that right?” Vanessa laughed. “And what would you know about it exactly?”

Ever since Jai had made the comment about Charity’s penchant for lesbian vets, Vanessa had been curious to know more.

“Well, let’s just say you shouldn’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it,”

By the time Charity had finished regaling Vanessa about her lesbian adventures with Zoe Tate, the bottle of red wine was empty. Vanessa had only had one glass, and Charity was definitely tipsy. Outside, the street lamps were turning on. Before Vanessa could suggest opening another bottle, Charity’s phone began to ring.

“Shit, it’s Jai… what should I do?”

Charity held her phone out in front of her, as if by simply holding it far enough away from her body she can make Jai disappear.

“Maybe you should answer it?” suggests Vanessa, trying not to laugh at the wide-eyed terror with which Charity is regarding her phone.

“And say what exactly? He’ll be asking where I am – I’m supposed to be moving my stuff back in right now!”

“Well, do you want to move back in?” Vanessa asks, silently hoping that Charity will say no.

“Of course I bloody don’t, but if I don’t give him a good reason, he’s going to keep hounding me until I give in again.”

Vanessa nodded, suddenly understanding the urgency of the situation. She tried desperately to think of a good enough excuse but her mind had gone completely blank. Suddenly, she remembered that day in the pub when Charity had hinted to Jai that she was moving on. It had been enough for him to walk away then, so perhaps it would work again.

“Tell him you’ve met someone else,” she whispers.

With her options clearly limited, Charity nods and answers the phone. She stands up and begins walking around Vanessa’s living room while she talks.

“Yeah Jai, I’ve decided we won’t be moving back in… well, because I don’t love you anymore, that’s why… no Jai, I really don’t… bullshit…”

Vanessa followed Charity’s movements, watching as her hand gestures became more and more exaggerated. Following a one-sided conversation was pretty difficult, but Charity’s facial expressions clearly implied that Jai was being an arsehole.

“Listen, you could buy me a bloody yacht Jai and the answer would still be no… I’ve told you why… what do you mean, you don’t believe me? If I say I don’t love you, then I don’t love you… oh really?... well, if I still loved you, would I be naked in someone else’s bed right now?...”

Vanessa chokes and splutters. She hadn’t expected Charity to be quite so brutal about things, but then, there were a lot of things about Charity Dingle that she hadn’t expected.

“Wouldn’t you like to know Jai… well, it’s none of your business… let’s just say they’ve shown me what I’ve been missing while I’ve been with you… yeah? And who said it was a man anyway?...”

Vanessa had to bury her face in the pillow to stop herself from laughing out loud. Charity wasn’t holding back at all and she found herself almost feeling sorry for Jai. Almost.

“Yeah, well, get stuffed Jai… it’s over and you better accept it this time. No more games.”

Hanging up the phone, Charity stares at Vanessa, eyes wide, as if she can’t quite believe what she’s just done. After a moment of stunned silence, Charity’s mouth quirks into a smile and she begins to giggle. Collapsing back onto the couch, her giggle proves to be infectious and Vanessa starts to laugh so hard that it makes her ribs ache.

When they physically can’t laugh anymore, Charity looks at Vanessa and smiles widely.

“You should have heard him, he was fuming!”

“Do you think he’s got the message now?” Vanessa asks, wiping away the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“Oh, I reckon so… thanks for talking some sense into me today, I can’t believe I was actually going to give that douchebag a second chance,”

As the darkness deepens outside, Charity steels herself for breaking the news to Noah. Slipping back into her coat, she looks at Vanessa as if she’s seeing her for the first time.

“Yeah, I was definitely wrong about you…” she muses out loud. “You might actually be one of the most interesting people in the village – not that that’s much of a compliment,”

Vanessa shifts her gaze to the carpet, not wanting Charity to see how pleased she is by the compliment. Charity is almost like the sun, deliciously warm but also dangerous. Vanessa wonders, not for the first time that night, whether she has completely lost her mind.

At the door, Charity pauses and turns back. Vanessa panics. She suddenly can’t remember the correct etiquette for saying goodbye to a sort-of friend who you’ve really only had 2 conversations with. Charity, it seems, is equally unsure. She moves her weight from one foot to the other, but eventually leans in, pressing her lips softly and briefly against Vanessa’s cheek. The hug that accompanies the kiss is awkward but warm.

“Thanks again for tonight, we should do it again sometime…” Charity mumbles, pulling her house keys from her pocket and fiddling with them distractedly.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Vanessa admits, unable to hide the grin on her face at the thought of spending more time with Charity.

She watches Charity walk across the road towards Debbie’s house. As she reaches the door, she turns back and catches Vanessa still watching. She waves once before disappearing inside to face the music.

Closing the door behind her, Vanessa closes her eyes and lets out a breath that she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. Butterflies swarm her stomach, and she tries desperately to convince herself that it’s just the wine, even though Charity drank most of it. Or perhaps it’s just the excitement of having someone else to talk to who isn’t Rhona or Moira. Absentmindedly bringing her hand to her cheek, to the exact spot where Charity had kissed her, she almost manages to convince herself that she isn’t developing a little bit of a crush on Charity Dingle.


	4. December 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer chapter. Vanessa and Charity meet for a drink. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos. They really do encourage me to keep writing. x

She didn’t see or hear from Charity all weekend. By the time Monday morning came around, she had convinced herself that Friday night had been a fluke. What would someone like Charity Dingle want with a friend like Vanessa Woodfield anyway? It wasn’t that she was boring. Far from it in fact. But even Vanessa’s wildest tales probably paled in comparison to the drama that seemed to follow Charity around everywhere. And that, Vanessa thought, is probably what Charity had realised when the bottle of red wine had left her system.

Pulling on her hat, gloves, scarf and coat, she left the cottage for work promptly. As awkward and uncomfortable as being with Paddy and Rhona all day was going to be, it certainly beat sitting alone in the house watching crappy TV.

Outside, the wind was icy and a thin layer of frost coated the ground, crunching under Vanessa’s boots as she made her way to the café for a much needed latte. She didn’t see Edna approaching until she almost tripped over an excitable Tootsie who was wrapping her leash around Vanessa’s ankles. Reaching down to pet the tiny dog, Vanessa pretended not to hear Edna tutting and huffing.

“Beautiful morning isn’t it Mrs Birch?” Vanessa declared brightly. Her cheerfulness, however, seemed only to offend Edna further.

“Is it? And what pray tell, is so beautiful about it?”

Vanessa had worked hard to win over the grumpy old woman when she’d first arrived in the village. Of course, now that the truth was out about what had happened between her and Rhona, the fragile friendship that she had cultivated had been utterly destroyed. It wasn’t that she was homophobic, Edna had insisted when refusing to let Vanessa treat Tootsie last month, but she didn’t consort with marriage wreckers and adulterers thank you very much.

“Have a good day, Edna,” Vanessa replied, walking away as fast as she could before the cantankerous old cow could respond. She simply didn’t have the time, or the patience, to argue.

The first thing that hit her when she entered the café was the warmth. Brenda must have put the heating on full blast, she reasoned, pulling her bright yellow scarf from around her neck. The second thing she noticed was that Charity Dingle was sat on the sofa directly in front of her with Noah opposite. Charity hadn’t seen her, and just as she was about to say something, another customer entered behind her, jostling her forwards. She headed for the counter instead, placing her order with Brenda and trying not to look over at Charity. It would be less awkward, she thought, if Charity noticed her first.

As Brenda handed over the large coffee and took Vanessa’s money, however, she heard Noah’s excited voice,

“Jai!” he yelled, throwing his arms around the waist of the man who had just walked through the door. Glancing quickly at the scene, she glimpsed the tension in Charity’s jaw and the way she rolled her eyes as Jai wrapped his arms around the small boy.

Looking back at Brenda, she mumbled her thanks, but Brenda was far too busy watching the scene unfold across the room. As she watches Brenda stare, unblinking, wringing her hands together in excitement, Vanessa feels a sudden urge to tell her to keep her neb out of other people’s business. Having your dirty washing hung out to dry in public every day isn’t easy, as she’s well aware, and with a stab of empathy, she finds herself wanting to shield Charity from some of it.

But it isn’t her place and somehow, she doesn’t think that Charity would appreciate her neb in her business right now, any more than anyone else’s.

Jai and Noah were stood in her path to the door, so Vanessa had no choice but to side step around them to get back outside. Placing her coffee on the window ledge outside, Vanessa paused to put her scarf and gloves back on, but before she could pick her drink back up, Charity and Noah charged out of the café and walked straight into her.

Stumbling a little, Vanessa managed to regain her balance before gravity could claim her.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there….” She heard Charity exclaim. And then, “Oh it’s you!”

“Yes, it’s me,” Vanessa grumbled, “You know, we really need to stop bumping into each other like this.”

Charity’s eyes brightened a little and she chuckled softly at the terrible pun. Vanessa smiled appreciatively, before grabbing her coffee.

“I better get to work,” she said, pointing in the general direction of the vets. As she turned to walk away, however, Charity reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Fancy a drink after work? In the Woolie? I usually finish at about 5, so maybe around 5:30pm?”

Vanessa felt a flutter in her chest as she dared to hope that she hadn’t imagined the faint beginnings of friendship with Charity after all. And as she looks at Charity, she notices that her smile is warm and hopeful, her eyes eager.

“I’d really like that,” Vanessa says, unable to stop the grin from spreading across her face.

“Great, well, I’ve got to get this one to football training first, so I’ll see you later yeah?”

With a nod and a wave, Vanessa turned and headed towards the vets. Somehow, just a few minutes of Charity’s attention had made her feel lighter.

Having something to look forward to after work, made working in a confined space with Rhona and Paddy that little bit more bearable. She knew she was being uncharacteristically cheerful, but she couldn’t physically stop herself from smiling whenever she thought about her plans.

“You’re in a good mood today…” Rhona observes, watching Vanessa hum to herself as she cleans out the cages in the office. Her tone is almost hopeful and Vanessa knows that she’s looking for redemption. That the guilt of what she’d done to Vanessa had been eating away at her ever since rehab. It had made things awkward between them and Vanessa’s inability to just ‘get over it’ (Paddy’s suggestion of course) had made things worse.

Reattaching the freshly filled water bottles to the cages, Vanessa realised that she hadn’t actually thought about Rhona and what had happened between them all weekend. Looking at Rhona, she realised that the resentment she had been harbouring for the last three months simply wasn’t there anymore.

“I guess I am,” Vanessa admitted.

“Any particular reason?” Rhona asked.

It was hard not to confide in Rhona, but Vanessa found herself unable to tell her oldest friend the truth. They had always been able to tell each other everything before. Before their friendship had been tainted by drug addiction, manipulation and that misplaced declaration of love. Now it was as though they were meeting again as two strangers and Vanessa found herself unsure of whether she could trust this new Rhona who had broken her heart as though it were merely collateral damage.

“Do I need a reason to be in a good mood?” she asks, deflecting the question.

“I suppose not,” Rhona admits. “It’s good to see you happy though.”

Her smile is shy and unsure and her words feel almost like an apology.

“Ditto,” Vanessa grins.

Vanessa works through her lunch break to make sure that she doesn’t have to stay at work one minute longer than is absolutely necessary. As she reaches for her coat at the end of the day, she hears Paddy and Rhona whispering to each other in the waiting room. When she walks through, they stop and she sees Rhona jab a sharp elbow into Paddy’s side.

“Erm, we were wondering if you fancied coming over to the Woolpack for a few drinks?”

It is obviously Rhona’s idea. Paddy has never been her number one fan, but he’s hardly said one word to her in months that hasn’t been specifically about work. And Vanessa knows that she should take this olive branch and help her colleagues to build the bridges between them, but the only thing that had gotten her through the day was her plans with Charity, and Vanessa couldn’t bring herself to give that up, even if it meant having to confide in Paddy and Rhona about her plans.

“You know, I’d love to, but I’ve actually already made plans to meet someone in the Woolpack. Maybe tomorrow night, yeah?”

Paddy and Rhona share a wide eyed look of surprise. They know as well as anyone that Vanessa’s only real friend in the village right now is Moira, and if she had been planning to meet Moira, she’d have simply said so.

“Well, we’ll walk over there with you…” Rhona suggests, obviously deciding not to push it.

“If they’re running late, we can have a quick one?” Vanessa offers, as they lock up the vets and begin the short walk to the pub.

Charity isn’t running late as it happens. When Vanessa follows Paddy and Rhona into the pub, she spots her immediately, leaning against the bar, deep in conversation with Chas. She hangs back slightly as Paddy and Rhona approach the bar to get served. Chas spots them and heads over, prompting Charity to look around. When she sees Vanessa she grins and holds up a bottle of wine and two glasses before nodding over the far end of the pub where there’s an empty booth.

She doesn’t even look at Paddy or Rhona, but she can practically hear their jaws dropping as she shuffles past them and walks shoulder to shoulder with Charity across the pub. Once they’re comfortable and Charity has poured each of them a generous glass of wine, she risks a glance around the pub. Just as expected, it’s not just Rhona and Paddy who are looking at them, although it is only them that has the decency to look away and pretend not to be when Vanessa catches their eyes. Even Chas is staring at them curiously.

“Are you always this popular?” Vanessa asks, moving her eyes in the direction of the other customers. Charity looks around and laughs. She clearly doesn’t make a habit of worrying too much about what other people think.

“Oh, you’ll have to get used to that babe, being friends with me should really come with a warning label: risk of exposure to nosy busybodies with no life of their own.”

Charity’s nonchalance reassures her a little and Vanessa can feel the tension in her body start to relax as she sips her first glass of wine. Before long, it feels as though they are the only two people in the pub. Conversation flows easily with Charity, and it’s a while before they pause for breath. Vanessa fills her in on the awkwardness of working with Rhona and Paddy, whilst Charity complains about Jai wanting to have access to Noah.

“Is that what you guys were arguing about in the café this morning?” Vanessa asks.

“Pretty much. He invited Noah over to his on Christmas Day, after dinner like…”

Charity pauses, running a finger around the rim of her glass absentmindedly as she considers the situation. She looks devastated.

“A bit sly of him to ask him right in front of you like that. What did you say?”

Charity’s eyes seem to brighten, almost as if she hadn’t been expecting Vanessa to stick up for her like that.

“Yeah, it was definitely sly. Noah was so excited though and I couldn’t say no could I, without looking like the world’s worst mum?”

“No, I suppose not… well, I’ll be home alone on Christmas, if you’re at a loose end in the evening, we could have a few drinks to take your mind off things?”

“That’s not a bad idea Miss Woodfield, not a bad idea at all. I might have to hold you to that!”

Charity grins then, and for a moment, her features seem to relax as she forgets about Jai and the painful divorce that is no doubt on the horizon.

“Let’s not talk about him anymore,” she suggests, “I want to know more about you… like how you can actually put up with working with those two muppets every day?”

She nods her glass in the direction of Paddy and Rhona and Vanessa snorts. Normally, she’d defend her best friend and maybe even hold off on slating Paddy, but working with them hadn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs lately, so she felt slightly justified in not correcting Charity’s assumption about them.

When she excused herself to use the toilet, Vanessa was surprised to see Rhona follow her in, a look of shock and confusion on her face.

“What on earth are you doing with her?” she hisses, as the door to the ladies closes slowly behind her. Vanessa can’t help but laugh.

“She’s not Satan you know, she’s actually a good laugh when you get to know her…”

Rhona stares at her as if she’s just spoken in tongues and Vanessa wonders if she’s going to pull out a vial of holy water just to check that she hasn’t actually been possessed.

“She’s trouble,” Rhona finally manages to say.

Shaking her head, Vanessa walks into the cubicle and locks the door. No longer able to see Rhona’s face, she feels slightly braver.

“I don’t think any friend can be as much trouble as you’ve been lately Rhona so don’t come in here acting like you’re worried about me now!”

There’s more venom in her voice than she intended and Vanessa immediately regrets her words. This is actually the most honest she’s been with Rhona since the whole thing happened and she realises, sat on a toilet in the Woolpack mid-stream, that maybe this is exactly what needs to be said in order for them to have a chance of moving forward.

She half expects Rhona to come back with something equally bitter, so she’s surprised by the meek reply.

“I know, and I’m sorry Vanessa. Sorrier than I can ever tell you. But that’s exactly why you should stay away from Charity, don’t you see? She doesn’t need a drug addiction to manipulate people – its second nature to her!”

Vanessa wonders if Rhona has ever even sat down and spoken to Charity for more than five minutes. She used to date Marlon, so she has obviously had some dealings with the Dingle family, but was Charity even around at that point? Vanessa had no idea and she really didn’t care.

“Look,” she said, flushing the chain and walking back out of the cubicle to the sink to wash her hands. “I know you’re sorry and I wish that an apology could fix everything, I really do. But the truth is, I don’t want you and Paddy and the vets to be my whole life. Not anymore. If I’m going to get over everything, get over you, you have to let me have other friends and you have to lay off on the judgement too. Let me make my own decisions Rhona, okay?”

Drying off her hands on the towel by the sink, she doesn’t wait for a response before heading back out of the toilets. As she heads back over to their table, she's surprised to see that Charity looks concerned.

“Everything okay babe? Did Rhona have something to say about you sitting with me?”

“Ugh, something like that,” Vanessa groaned, dropping back into her seat and taking a generous swig of wine to try and calm her nerves. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Rhona walking sheepishly back to Paddy and imagines she’ll be keeping him updated. Charity watches her carefully and Vanessa begins to feel the weight of her stare.

“What?” she asks, eventually.

“Oh nothing, just wondering if you’re having second thoughts about spending time with me after Rhona’s lecture? I won’t be offended if you are babe, kind of used to being the black sheep of the village.”

Her words sound light, but Vanessa senses a heaviness behind them. As though Charity has resigned herself to never being able to shake off her reputation. She won’t look Vanessa in the eye, and it’s clear that she’s steeling herself for the rejection she assumes is inevitable.

Reaching out, Vanessa places her hand over Charity’s and immediately feels the prickle of goose bumps on her arms at the contact. Charity seems to sense it too, as she startles but doesn’t pull away, looking curiously at their hands instead of at Vanessa.

“No second thoughts,” Vanessa insists. “But I am getting bored of putting on a show for these idiots. Fancy finishing this bottle at mine instead?”

For a moment, Vanessa thinks Charity is going to say no. She looks almost nervous, and Vanessa wonders if she needs to get back to look after Noah. She withdraws her hand, convinced that she’s said the wrong thing, assumed there was more to their friendship than Charity had intended.

“Unless you need to get back to Noah or something…” she adds hastily.

“No, Debbie’s got him. One of the few bonus’ of living with your adult child… no, I think that sounds like a good idea. Let’s get out of here…”

Vanessa isn’t sure whether Charity really means it, but the other woman is already pulling on her jacket and gathering up her belongings, looking at Vanessa expectantly until she remembers to move as well.

The cold air hits Vanessa hard as they leave the pub. She hadn’t felt tipsy inside, but the fresh air goes straight to her head and she finds herself stumbling and swaying a little as they make their way down the road. Charity laughs at her, clutching her arm to keep her steady.

“Don’t want you falling over do we,” she explains, but even after Vanessa is steady on her feet, she doesn’t let go. Vanessa leans into her warmth and with the pleasant rush of alcohol in her system, finds herself resting her head against Charity’s arm. The taller woman seems to hold her tighter then, resting her head on Vanessa’s as they move slowly and steadily towards Vanessa’s home.

“I’m glad I chose to sit with you that day in the pub, when Jai was harassing me…” Charity mumbles into Vanessa’s hair. The warmth of her breath on her scalp makes Vanessa shiver.

“Yeah?” she asks.

“Yeah… I think I would have been hell bent on revenge right now if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t normally let any bloke treat me the way Jai has, but I weirdly don’t think I really care right now… “

“Same here… except about Rhona,” Vanessa confesses, relieved that she isn’t looking Charity in the eye as she speaks. She feels her cheeks flush anyway when Charity suddenly stops walking. Putting a hand on each of Vanessa’s arms, she turns her to face her.

Its dark outside, and the street lamps are dim. Charity’s features are hidden in shadows but Vanessa thinks she can just about make out the intention in Charity’s eyes.

Charity brings a hand to her face, ice cold fingers tracing the line of Vanessa’s jaw as she rubs a thumb along her lips. Vanessa can’t help but let her eyes drift closed and lean into Charity’s hand.

“You deserve so much better than Rhona,” Charity whispers.

It feels as though time itself slows down as Charity leans in to kiss her. For a split second, all Vanessa can feel is panic, but as their lips meet, she is lost entirely. All she is aware of is the heat of Charity’s mouth on hers, the softness of her lips and the press of their bodies as they cling on to each other.

The kiss is chaste and soft to start with. Charity pulls back briefly, looking concerned.

“Is this okay?” she asks quietly, and all Vanessa can do is slide her hands into Charity’s hair and pull her back in. She has no idea if it’s okay and she suddenly doesn’t really care. Bombs could be falling around them in that moment and Vanessa is certain that she wouldn’t notice or flinch.

When they pull apart, Vanessa is breathless. Though her mind feels entirely blank, she is almost certain that she has never been kissed like that before. Never has a simple kiss made her entire body ache the way it does for Charity. She finds herself searching the other woman’s face, looking for some sign that Charity was feeling the same way.

“Do you still want me to come back to yours?” Charity grins.

Vanessa simply grasps Charity’s wrist and begins pulling her towards her front door.


	5. December 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first time writing smut - be kind!  
> Charity and Vanessa spend the night together.

The challenge of trying to unlock a door whilst slightly inebriated and incredibly turned on gives Vanessa just enough time to think, and inevitably, panic. As they manage to push their way into the house, the reality of what she has done begins to set in. She’s kissed Charity Dingle – a still-married woman – in the middle of Main Street. What if someone had seen them? What if Rhona was right and this was all part of some elaborate plan of Charity’s to get revenge on Jai? What if…?

“Are you okay?”

Charity’s voice seems to cut through the panic as she hangs up her coat and moves to carefully remove Vanessa’s.

“What if someone saw us?” Vanessa manages to say, though she can hear the tremble in her own voice.

“So what if they did?” Charity shrugs, hanging up Vanessa’s coat by her own. “We’re both single aren’t we?”

Vanessa glances down at the ring on Charity’s finger. Charity’s gaze follows and she laughs, twisting the gold band free and depositing it safely in the pocket of her coat.

“See? Out of sight, out of mind. I’d chuck it in the bin babe, but I have plans to melt it down and get my money’s worth.”

Vanessa tries to tear her eyes away from Charity. Tries to regain some composure. But it is as though every inch of her body is straining to close the distance between them. Charity seems to sense her panic. She looks down at her newly naked finger, rubbing at the slightly paler band of skin with the thumb and forefinger of her right hand.

“Look, if this is too much – if you don’t want this – I can go,” she insists.

Vanessa knows that the logical thing, the sane thing to do, would be to say yes. To ask Charity to leave so that she can process what has just happened and what it means. Yet something more powerful and much louder inside of her mind, is screaming at her to forget about logic and to just let this happen.

“I do want this Charity – I want it so much it scares me,” she replies, surprised again by her own honesty, “but I need to know why you kissed me?”

Charity’s eyes brighten a little at Vanessa’s confession. She moves to close the distance between them, her hands slipping effortlessly around Vanessa’s hips, beneath her shirt, until her fingers are splayed on her lower back. Tugging Vanessa gently, she lowers her mouth to Vanessa’s ear and Vanessa shudders at the warm gasps of breath at her neck.

“I kissed you…” she whispers, pausing to capture Vanessa’s earlobe gently between her teeth before soothing it with a soft kiss, “…because I wanted to.” This time, she moves lower, pressing her lips gently against the sensitive skin behind Vanessa’s ear.

Vanessa suddenly feels weak as every muscle in her body seems to tremor with need. She can feel Charity smiling as her lips travel across to her jaw, kissing the corners of Vanessa’s mouth.

“Is that okay?” she asks, her voice low and rough with desire. And suddenly Vanessa can’t remember why she was fighting this.

“It’s definitely okay..” she drawls, looping her fingers through the belt hoops of Charity’s jeans and pulling her hips hard against her own. She looks into Charity’s eyes then and sees her own hunger reflected back at her in the darkness of Charity’s pupils.

The second time she kisses Charity Dingle, there is nothing chaste about it.

Charity’s hands move from her hips to her stomach then, and Vanessa feels herself being pressed against the wall. She is fully aware that she is about to cross a line she has never crossed before. Loving Rhona and kissing Rhona had been one thing, but to completely give in to these urges is unchartered territory. She’s never had sex with a woman before and logically, she shouldn’t have a clue what she’s doing. And yet her body seems to know exactly what it wants and what it needs to do to get it. She feels like an instrument that has burst into song beneath Charity’s hands… and Vanessa can’t help but wonder, is this how she was always supposed to feel?

Charity’s hands push higher before she reaches behind Vanessa’s back to unclasp her bra. As she slides her hands back around Vanessa’s body, a thumb dips beneath the now loose cup of her bra and teasingly grazes against a nipple. Vanessa gasps involuntarily, and arches forward, moaning softly into Charity’s mouth.

“Take me upstairs,” she groans, “please, Charity, take me upstairs…”

Having used the bathroom a few times during her last visit to the house, it seems that Charity is fairly confident she knows her way to Vanessa’s bedroom. Sliding her fingers between Vanessa’s, she leads her up the stairs, pausing several times to press Vanessa against the wall and kiss her hard.

As they stumble through the door to Vanessa’s bedroom, Charity wastes no time in leading Vanessa over to the bed. As the back of her legs hit the mattress, she falls backwards, catching herself on her elbows. Sitting up, she reaches for the hem of Charity’s shirt, pulling it over her head before letting it drop to the floor. Her eyes rake slowly and hungrily over Charity’s almost naked torso as her hands explore the warm flesh of her stomach, the curves of her hips and the dip of her waist.

“You’re beautiful,” she whispers, as she drags her fingertips from Charity’s waist to the button of her jeans. Before she can try to open them, Charity places a steady hand on hers and uses her other hand to tilt Vanessa’s chin up.

“If this is your first time with a woman, I want it to be good… I want to show you how good it can feel,” Charity husks, gently moving Vanessa’s hands back to the bed. No sooner does Vanessa submit to Charity’s unspoken request than Charity gets to work. Slowly and seductively, she slides Vanessa’s pants down her legs, licking and kissing her inner thigh as the flesh is exposed. With each searing kiss, Vanessa can feel herself trembling as a pressure builds at the very core of her.

She knows she is wet already and that is something new. Never before has she been this wet so soon, before they’re both even completely naked, before she’s even been touched. She’d never hated sex with men, but they had never made her feel like this.

“Now, sit up,” Charity whispers and Vanessa does so, allowing Charity to slide her shirt and bra over her head until Vanessa is left wearing only her knickers. She watches Charity’s eyes slide over her body, watches as she licks her lips and smiles seductively. 

“Now, I’m going to need you to shuffle back a bit,” Charity murmurs, and as Vanessa begins to move herself backwards onto the bed, Charity quickly removes her own jeans and shoes before crawling after her, on hands and knees, to the centre of the bed.

As Charity straddles her hips, she slowly lowers her weight onto Vanessa, grinding slowly and smiling as Vanessa instinctively arches towards the pressure, seeking contact where she needs it most. Vanessa reaches for Charity’s hips, pulling her impossibly closer. Charity allows it for only a moment before gently guiding Vanessa’s hands from her hips and placing them over her head. As she does so, she stretches herself out above Vanessa, breast to breast and hip to hip.

She sits back up slowly, reaching around her own back to unclasp her bra. Vanessa tries not to move as Charity slides her arms out of her bra straps before tossing the lingerie onto the floor. Vanessa knows she is staring but she can’t help it. She has never seen anything so perfect, has never wanted to kiss and touch another person’s body as much as she wants to kiss and touch Charity. Seeming to read Vanessa’s mind, Charity holds out her hands towards Vanessa’s, sliding their fingers together and pulling Vanessa into a sitting position.

It is an unspoken invitation that Vanessa is more than happy to accept. Bringing her hands up to Charity’s waist, she leans forward and drags her tongue slowly over a nipple. She watches Charity’s head fall back as she groans with pleasure, feels her long blonde curls at her fingertips. Something guttural and primal awakes in her at Charity’s response. Pleasing others during sex had always felt like a chore rather than something to be savoured and enjoyed, but feel Charity squirm against only makes Vanessa want to touch her more. As she replaces her mouth with her hands, Charity leans forward again and claims her mouth.

At some point during the kiss, Vanessa is lowered back down and Charity pulls away briefly, her eyes wandering over the exposed flesh below her.

“Can I touch you?” she asks, her voice almost unrecognisable.

“God, yes…” Vanessa pants, certain that she’s never wanted someone else’s hands on her body like this.

Charity is slow and gentle at first, the kisses she places as she descends down Vanessa’s body almost reverent. Vanessa feels like she’s a newly discovered land and Charity explores her thoroughly with tongue and lips, finding places on her body that Vanessa never knew could make her writhe and arch against another person. Charity is attentive too. When Vanessa responds with moans, Charity lingers until Vanessa’s hands slide into her hair and pull her back up to kiss her. The final time she does it, Charity repositions herself and slides a thigh between Vanessa’s legs. Vanessa gasps at the contact, pushing hard against Charity’s thigh as her head falls back and her eyes slam shut with pleasure. She knows Charity can feel now, just how much she wants her.

Charity’s hand moves purposefully down her body, sliding over the damp fabric of her knickers.

“God, you’re so wet…” Charity groans, catching Vanessa’s lip between her teeth and tugging gently.

And then Charity is less slow, less gentle, but just as attentive. As she feels Charity descending down the bed again, Vanessa begins to panic. Charity’s tongue traces the elastic of her knickers as her fingers hook the sides and begin to pull them down Vanessa’s legs.

Oral sex is something that she has always avoided, afraid that if she allowed any man to go down on her, that she would have to repay the favour. The thought of doing that had always made her feel nauseous, so it had become almost instinct to freeze and withdraw. Charity seems to feel her tense beneath her and looks up at Vanessa, her hands firmly gripping the thighs that have clenched closed.

“Do you want me to stop?” she asks.

And Vanessa realises, as she watches Charity’s lips move, feels the pressure of her thumbs on her thighs… that she isn’t afraid anymore. That whatever it is that Charity intends to do to her, she is already hungry to return to the favour.

“No, don’t stop, please don’t stop…” she mumbles, as she relaxes her muscles and feels Charity push her legs apart.

She begins by pressing her tongue flat and firmly against her, dragging broad strokes from her entrance to her clit so slowly that it’s maddening. Vanessa finds purchase in the duvet, twisting her hands into the fabric as she tries not to grind down on Charity’s mouth. Her legs become restless as Charity’s tongue dips inside of her briefly, swirling in her wetness before returning. She eventually rests her feet on Charity’s hips and releases the duvet to slide her fingers into the roots of Charity’s hair.

She knows she’s being loud. She had never been so vocal during sex before. Had never really been given a reason to be. But every touch of Charity’s tongue, lips and fingers is waking her body up in ways she had never thought possible. She has never felt more alive, more connected to her own desire, and Charity doesn’t seem bothered by the noise. If anything, it seems to encourage her.

Just before Vanessa reaches the point of desperation, Charity stops teasing and moves her tongue firmly to her clit, circling it rhythmically and Vanessa can feel the pressure building inside of her. It is almost too much. She was no prude. She had touched herself before, given herself more orgasms than she could count, but nothing had ever felt quite like being pushed to the edge by Charity.

Her hands tighten in Charity’s hair involuntarily as she feels her body building up to a release.

“I’m so close Charity, don’t stop…” she urges, her hips rising to meet each stroke of Charity’s tongue.

Charity doesn’t stop, but she does slow down, repositions herself slightly as she brings a finger to Vanessa’s entrance. It swirls and teases, entering her slowly at first before sliding deep inside. Charity curls her finger slightly, seeming to coax Vanessa’s orgasm from her, all the while maintaining a steady pressure on her clit with her tongue.

When Vanessa comes, she sees colours. Her eyes slam shut so forcefully that the bright specks of lights behind her eyelids seem to explode. She cries out as pleasure ripples from her core and through each nerve in her body until even the roots of her hair are tingling. As her thighs slam shut around Charity’s ears, Charity doesn’t stop. Slowly and gently, she swirls her tongue lightly around the hood of her clit until Vanessa finds herself coming again for a second time, and a third, like aftershocks. When she physically can’t take any more, she reaches down and drags Charity up to kiss her. She tastes herself on Charity’s lips and groans.

When she dares to open her eyes and look at Charity, she is sure that she’s never seen another person look quite so smug.

“Pleased with that performance are you?” she laughs, turning onto her side and sliding a hand over the bones of Charity’s hips.

“Well, I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but if I had a trumpet, I’d be blowing it pretty loudly right about now…” Charity smirks.

Vanessa smiles but there is no point in denying to herself, or Charity, that her smugness isn’t completely warranted.

“Charity…” she whispers, “I had no idea that sex could feel like that…”

There goes the honesty again, she thinks, but sees no point in chastising herself when just seconds ago, she was coming apart beneath Charity’s mouth.

“Is it always supposed to feel like that?” she finds herself asking, averting her gaze to Charity’s chest as she runs her fingers between her breasts and over the three beauty marks there.

“Not always, no,” Charity admits, twirling her fingers around a strand of Vanessa’s hair that has fallen in front of her face. “It doesn’t feel like that if you’ve with the wrong people…”

Charity seems to disappear for a second. Her eyes glaze over as if she’s remembering something painful before she shakes herself out of it and returns her attention to Vanessa. It is hard not to get lost in Charity’s eyes. This woman who seemed to be made up entirely of stereotypes until two weeks ago was actually far more complex than anyone gave her credit for. Vanessa found herself wondering just how deeply she could fall into Charity before she drowned entirely.

“I want to make you feel like that…” she whispers then, her hand gliding slowly over Charity’s stomach to the edge of her underwear. Charity clasps her hand in her own before she can work her way beneath the elastic.

“You don’t have to, you know…” she assures her, but Vanessa can see that Charity wants her almost as much as Vanessa wants to give herself to her.

“I want to…” she insists, and Charity smiles as she releases her hand.

Several hours, and many orgasms later, Vanessa finds herself tangled up in Charity’s arms and trying desperately to stay awake. She wonders if this is how marathon runners feel when they finally cross the finish line. It is a pleasant sort of exhaustion though, a drowsiness that makes her feel as though she’s floating. Charity’s fingers in her hair, scratching gently at her scalp are not helping.

“I should probably go…” Charity whispers then, and Vanessa is suddenly wide awake. She shuffles back and leans up on her elbow.

“What? Why?” she asks, suddenly remembering the fears that Charity had managed to kiss away.

“Well, if I’m not at Debbie’s in the morning, everyone will start to ask questions… if you thought everyone was annoying in the pub last night babe, can you imagine what they’ll be like if they see me sneaking out in the morning?”

Vanessa can feel herself pouting. She feels like a child who is having her favourite toy taken away and she fights the overwhelming urge to whine. Charity smiles at her softly,

“I’d love to stay, I really would… but if Jai found out about us, he’d use it to screw me over in the divorce, I know he would…”

It makes sense. Vanessa knows it does. For a few, brief hours, she had thrown logic out of the window, but now it was back and insisting on being taken seriously. Though she hated to admit it, she didn’t really want anyone to know about her and Charity either. Charity had been right. Actually sleeping with a woman had helped her to figure a lot of things out, but it had also thrown up some confusing questions. Like how on earth had she ever been so convinced she was straight? She knows that when the afterglow fades, her mind will start racing and panic will set in. She doesn’t really want to face the whole ‘coming out’ thing just yet – she simply isn’t ready.

“I understand,” she mumbles.

“Can I come round again tomorrow though?” Charity asks.

“I don’t know,” Vanessa sulks, “what if people get the wrong idea?” She knows she’s being petty, but she also wants to hear Charity say that she wants her as much as she wants Charity. Needs to know that it isn’t just her life that has been turned upside down and inside out by their night together.

“I’m allowed to have friends, aren’t I? As long as we’re careful, we’ll be fine…”

“Hmm, maybe,”

Vanessa traces her fingers along Charity’s collarbone, smiling as the other woman shivers at her touch. If this thing between them – whatever it is or could be – is going to be just their little secret, Vanessa decides that she needs to make sure Charity keeps coming back. Leaning in, she kisses Charity deeply before reaching lower with her hand.

“How about one for the road then?” she winks.


	6. December 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before. 
> 
> Hope everyone reading this is okay and managing not to go insane during lockdown. My kids are driving me bananas so it might take me a while to get more writing done. However, I will keep trying to write for as long as there are people wanting to read.

Morning comes too quickly.

Reaching for her phone, Vanessa has to squint to turn off the alarm, the brightness of the screen making her eyes water. And she almost misses it. A text message notification. From an unknown number.

The memories of the previous night come back to her then, slowly at first, and then all at once, overwhelming her senses. It’s as though she can still feel Charity’s body pressed against her, the pressure of her fingers on her thighs, the heat of her kisses on her neck.

The last thing Charity had done before she’d left had been to put Vanessa’s number in her phone, promising to text her so that she would also have her number.

Vanessa allows her thumb to hover over the notification for a moment. Something cold seems to have wound its way around her lungs, squeezing until she is breathless and shivering. She had expected to wake up in a panic. As she had drifted into an easy sleep in the early hours, she had known that the cold light of morning would bring the doubts and the fears to the surface. What she hadn’t expected, however, was that the panic wouldn’t be about the fact that she had slept with Charity, but that Charity might not come back.

Spending one night with Charity had been like a revelation. A lifetime of failed relationships and unsatisfying sex with men had finally made sense. After years of believing she was broken, she had finally discovered what sex was supposed to feel like, with the right person. And it wasn’t anything as cheesy as love at first sight, she told herself. But now that she had had a taste of Charity Dingle, she knew, purely and simply, that she had to have more.

Swallowing the fear, she opened the message, steeling herself for rejection.

**_What time can I come over tonight?_ **

Simple and straightforward. Vanessa exhaled the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. It wasn’t rejection. Charity wanted to see her again. Smiling stupidly to herself, she sent a simple and straightforward reply.

**_9pm?_ **

The three dots that told her Charity was replying appeared almost instantly. Vanessa’s stomach swirled with anticipation as she waited for the response.

**_Can’t wait. By the way, don’t forget to wear a scarf today ;)_ **

Puzzled, Vanessa put the phone to one side and clambered out of bed. As she attempted to cross the room and switch on the light, she found herself having to consciously think about putting one foot in front of the other. Every muscle in her body ached in the most delicious way.

As the light flooded the room, Vanessa blinked until her eyes adjusted to the glare. Moving over to her mirrored wardrobe, she pulled her hair back and turned her head from left to right. As she had suspected, Charity had indeed left behind a trail of small purple bruises on her collarbone and one rather large bruise on her jugular, just beneath her jawline. She had always thought love bites were for teenagers – immature and childish. But now she knew better. Knew what it was like to desire another person’s body so much that you hungrily marked your territory.

Laughing, she threw herself back down on her bed and reached for her phone.

**Thanks for that! I’m assuming you always wear pants and won’t need to be quite as creative with your wardrobe selection. See you later ;)**

She rolled over, grinning at the memory of the marks she had left on Charity’s inner thighs and what she had done afterwards. And though questions of what it had all meant still prickled at the back of her mind, she consciously chose to ignore them.

In the end, she settled for a generous helping of concealer as well as a scarf before dressing and heading out the door to work. Dark clouds hung heavy in the sky, promising rain, and the lack of sunshine meant that the Christmas lights were still glistening.

Vanessa had been dreading Christmas. Last year she had spent it with Rhona and Paddy, but this year, no such invitation had been extended. A few weeks ago she had almost resigned herself to going to visit her mother, so desperate was she not to be in the village. Thankfully, she had never made that call. She only hoped that Charity meant what she had said, about spending some time with her while Noah was with Jai.

The café was pretty empty when she arrived and Brenda was leaning against the counter, flicking mindlessly through the morning paper. She perked up when she saw Vanessa, taking her order cheerfully.

“So is it true?” she asked, as she heated up the milk for Vanessa’s latte.

“Is what true Brenda?” Vanessa asked, counting out the correct change from the coins she had emptied out of her purse.

“That Charity didn’t move back in with Jai? Only I heard you and her were friends…”

Of course Brenda had heard. She had made it her business to know everything about everyone in the village. Vanessa wasn’t sure whether the village thinking her and Charity were the best of friends was going to make it easier or harder to keep things a secret. On the one hand, they didn’t have to sneak around to see each other, but it also meant that they’d have to be extra careful not to appear too friendly in public that tongues would start wagging.

“They’ve decided to separate I think, not that it’s anyone’s business but theirs,”

“Oh no, of course not, and who can blame her eh? I always thought Jai was a nice guy but fancy keeping a secret like that for nearly a year,”

Vanessa forced a smile but didn’t respond and thankfully Brenda seemed to take the hint and shut up. It was only when she heard Noah’s voice behind her that she realised why Brenda had suddenly gone quiet.

“Why can’t I have a milkshake?” he whined.

“Because I’m not dropping you off at school high on sugar, you can have a smoothie or nothing… oh, hey you,”

Turning, Vanessa gave Charity a smile that she hoped only looked friendly before turning away again when the sight of Charity made her insides clench.

“Hey, everything okay?” she asked, trying for nonchalant.

“Oh yeah, just sorting this one out with a liquid breakfast before dropping him off.”  
  
Vanessa knew Charity had stepped a little closer. She could feel her skin tingling at the proximity of the other woman. As Charity placed her order with Brenda, she leant forward even more, using the position of their bodies to hide the fact that she had slid her hand over Vanessa’s bum, squeezing gently.

Swallowing roughly, Vanessa picked up her coffee and squirmed out of Charity’s grasp.

“Well I best get to work, see you later yeah?”

She couldn’t meet Charity’s gaze. She knew she would melt right there in the middle of the café if she did but she could hear the smugness in Charity’s voice when she spoke. As though she was revelling in the effect she had on Vanessa.

“Absolutely, and by the way, love the scarf…” Charity smirked.

Vanessa made her way quickly out of the café then, thankful for the cold wind that greeted her. She felt her cheeks cool and her heart rate steady as she worked on regulating her breathing. Clearly, being within five feet of Charity made her lose her senses. She’d always been pretty good at keeping secrets, but she wasn’t entirely sure that her body could.

When she arrived at the vets, Paddy was behind the desk at reception looking flustered. He had the phone clamped between his shoulder and his cheek whilst shuffling through a mountain of paperwork.

“Of course Mrs Hardcastle, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he insisted, before hanging up the phone. Looking up at Vanessa, he seemed relieved to see her.

“Thank God you’re here,” he muttered, “Rhona’s having a meeting with Leo’s teachers and Pearl’s phoned in sick. I was meant to be at the Hardcastle’s half an hour ago but we’ve got a neutering booked in for 9am. Are you okay to cover for Rhona until she gets back?”

“No problem,” she smiled, hanging up her coat. She almost removed her scarf but remembered at the last minute why it was there. Thankfully, Paddy was too busy gathering his bag and equipment to care about Vanessa’s fashion choices that day. As she waved him off, Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief at not having to deal with her ‘friends’ for at least a little while. She was also grateful for the poor puppy that was about to be emasculated at her hands because it meant she wouldn’t have time to think about last night or Charity.

Vanessa threw herself into preparing the surgery, and sterilising the surgical tools she would need. When Bobby the Beagle puppy arrived with a very anxious looking owner, she was already in full vet mode. And by the time Rhona got back from Leo’s school, she was half way through the operation and thankful that it meant she wouldn’t be disturbed by her best friend.

Settling Bobby into a crate to recover from the anaesthetic, Vanessa could see Rhona hovering in the doorway.

“What is it Rhona?” she sighed, rolling her eyes.

“I-I Just wanted to apologise. About last night in the pub. I had no right to judge Charity like that,”

Vanessa had been expecting another lecture. Rhona didn’t give her a chance to respond before she continued.

“It’s just that I know I’ve hurt you and that I don’t really deserve your forgiveness, but whether you believe me or not Ness, I really do just want what’s best for you.”

The temptation to reply with something cruel and sarcastic was strong, but Vanessa found herself biting her tongue. She knew she had been cold and distant towards Rhona since their brief and very platonic affair, but it had never been about hurting Rhona. That wasn’t her style. She knew deep down that it had been the addiction that had driven Rhona to manipulate her and use her and that her clean and sober friend was genuinely mortified by her own cruel behaviour. No, she had kept her distance because she hadn’t known how to be around Rhona with all of those unrequited feelings. Only now, those feelings had been overshadowed by this thing with Charity. Not because she hadn’t really loved Rhona, but because Charity had shown her what it was to have those desires reciprocated. Had shown her what it was like to be wanted.

“I believe you Rhona,” she sighed, locking the cage and standing up to face her friend. “And I forgive you. I’d love nothing more than to put everything behind us and just get back to how things were before the drugs and the lies.”

Rhona burst into tears then and threw herself into Vanessa’s arms. Stunned, and not too sure how to respond, Vanessa found herself awkwardly patting her friends back.

“Thank you,” Rhona whimpered, smiling through the tears. “You have no idea how much I’ve been wanting this.”

“Well, I needed some time to sort my head out, but I think we should just put it all behind us. Maybe we could start with a brew?”

As Rhona handed Vanessa her ridiculously milky brew and sat down, she was looking at Vanessa with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. With an hour before the next appointment, they had left Paddy to man reception and slipped into the kitchen of Smithy cottage for a break. Only Vanessa was beginning to feel a tad uncomfortable under the weight of Rhona’s scrutiny.

“What is it Rhona?” she finally asked, with an exasperated huff.

“Well, since when do you wear scarves to do surgery?” Rhona replied, pointing at the floral silk scarf that Vanessa still had wrapped around her neck.

“Oh, I’m just cold, it’s freezing out today isn’t it?”

“Yes, but it’s been toasty warm in the surgery with the heating on. Seriously, what are you hiding under there?”

Vanessa hadn’t been prepared for someone not believing her carefully considered excuse. Especially not her best friend of over 15 years who had always been able to squeeze confessions and secrets from her with minimal effort. With no idea what to say, and the silence becoming increasingly deafening, Rhona began to chuckle to herself. This only made Vanessa even more flustered as she tried desperately to think of another, more believable reason that she was wearing a scarf indoors for the first time in her life.

Without warning, Rhona reached for the end of the scarf and gave it a gentle tug, unravelling it. Vanessa scrunched up her eyes and hoped that the concealer hadn’t faded. Rhona’s horrified gasp confirmed that she was in fact, not that lucky.

“What is that?!” she exclaimed. “Actually, never mind, it’s fairly obvious WHAT it is, what I want to know is how it got there!?”

Vanessa simply stared at her friend. She had no believable lie to offer and found herself completely unwilling to try and think of one. She had never lied to Rhona before, not about the important things. And yes, things had been strained between them lately with good reason – but, she realised, she needed her best friend now more than ever. Thankfully, she didn’t have to say anything. Rhona was smart and it didn’t take long for the penny to drop.

“Oh my God,” she gasped, “did Charity do that to you?”

Vanessa stared intently at the mug of tea she was clutching in her hands. She knew that her silence would be enough of an admission for Rhona.

“Oh god, she did, didn’t she? Vanessa! Are you and Charity… did you sleep with her?!”

Vanessa looked at her friend then, and with her lip quivering and her palms itchy with sweat, she nodded. Rhona took a deep breath in and sat back in her chair, simply staring at Vanessa.

“Look,” Vanessa began, “You can’t say anything. Not to anyone. Not even to Paddy. Please Rhona, nobody can know, and Charity can’t know that you know either…”

Rhona was clearly stupefied by her friend’s silent confession and she opened and closed her mouth a few times before recovering the power of speech.

“Since when?” she managed to ask.

“Only since last night, but I mean it Rhona, promise me now that you’ll keep this to yourself,”

Rhona nodded slowly.

“Yeah, yeah… of course I will. Was it a one-time thing or…?” she asked, and Vanessa could see that Rhona was hoping for an answer in the affirmative.

“I don’t think so,” Vanessa admitted, “She’s coming back tonight actually,”

It was clear that Rhona wanted to warn her again. It was clear from her expression that she didn’t approve, but with the bridges barely built between them, she clearly thought better of verbalising her disapproval.

“So, does this mean that you’re… gay?”

She whispered the word ‘gay’ as if Paddy might have developed supersonic hearing.

“I honestly don’t know Rhona. I just know that last night was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. No man has ever made me feel the way that Charity made me feel. And I’m in no rush to put a label on myself or on what it is we’re doing. To be honest, all I know for sure is that I want to keep seeing her.”

When the shock wears off, Rhona manages to listen to Vanessa with minimal judgement. She seems reassured by the fact that the relationship is mainly physical and breathes a sigh of relief when Vanessa assures her that it’s not like she’s in love with Charity – she’s just really attracted to her. Ridiculously so.

“So why keep it a secret then?” she asks, sipping at her brew.

“Well, like I said, I don’t know what it is really, or what it means for me and my sexuality so I’d rather avoid the village gossip. But also, Jai would use it against her in the divorce if he found out, and I definitely don’t want to jeopardise that for her.”

“Well, just make sure she isn’t just using you Ness. You deserve better than that,”

Vanessa nods, finishing off the rest of her brew with one long gulp.

“I’ll be careful, I promise.”

Vanessa has showered, changed and drank a few glasses of liquid courage before 9pm rolls around. Only a few minutes later, the knock on the door makes her heart leap.

Taking a deep breath, she opens the door, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face when she sees a very windswept but gorgeous looking Charity holding a bottle of gin. Waving her inside, Vanessa closes the door and puts the latch on. She hardly ever gets visitors, but she definitely doesn’t want anyone walking in unannounced tonight.

Before she can turn around, Charity has already deposited the gin on the hall table and has pressed herself against Vanessa’s back. Her fingers slip between Vanessa’s with ease and Charity brings them up to rest against the door. Nudging Vanessa’s hair to the side with her nose, she begins placing hot and hungry kisses along the freshly exposed neck and shoulder.

“Mmm, I’ve been thinking about doing this all day,” she mumbles.

Vanessa gasps as Charity’s hands slide down her arms and along her sides to her hips. Spinning Vanessa around, Charity wastes no time in seeking out her lips and Vanessa slides her hands into Charity’s long blonde hair, pulling her closer until there is barely any space between their bodies. She had wanted to talk about things with Charity. After her talk with Rhona, she had wanted to make sure that they were at least on the same page. But suddenly, with Charity’s thigh pressed between her legs, she could no longer remember how to form words.

Instead, she placed her hands gently on Charity’s shoulders and began pushing her backwards to the living room. As they reached the sofa, she pushed Charity down before lowering herself into her lap, a knee on either side of her hips. Charity gasped and lifted her hips to meet Vanessa.

“I guess this answers my question then…” she laughed, unbuttoning Vanessa’s shirt slowly.

“Oh yeah, what question is that?”

“Well, I was going to ask if you have any regrets about last night, but I think I know the answer…”

Vanessa grinned before lowering her mouth to Charity’s ear.

“Absolutely no regrets,” she whispered before tugging at Charity’s ear lobe with her teeth and sliding her hands down to unbutton Charity’s jeans.


	7. January 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity and Vanessa decide to go away for a night together - chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left this fic alone for a while because I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with it but there should be something resembling a plot from this point forward. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: References to se*ual assault and physical violence.

_We were born sick, you heard them say it_  
_My church offers no absolutes_  
_She tells me worship in the bedroom_  
_The only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you_  
_I was born sick, but I love it_  
_Command me to be well_

Home Farm burns down at Christmas that year and in the chaos, the strange new friendship between Vanessa and Charity is forgotten by most of the villagers. Eyes no longer follow them when they walk into the pub together, tongues no longer wag when they see Charity heading into Victoria Cottage for the fifth time in a week and no one seems to notice just how close the two women have become. 

Almost no one. 

“Again?! Mother, you’ve been round every day this week.”

Charity shrugs, sliding her arms into her thick, black winter coat. 

“I’ve told you Debs, we’re just binge watching a show on Netflix, that’s all. Noah’s in bed, so what’s the problem?”

Debbie huffs, “I don’t understand all this hype about Netflix you know, it won’t last. And I hardly see you these days. Why do you suddenly want to spend all your free time with Vanessa and not, you know, me?”

It isn’t like Debbie to want to spend time with her, and Charity knows deep down that she should take advantage of her daughter’s sudden willingness to be in her company, but the lure of Vanessa is just too tempting and Charity has never been good at resisting temptation. 

“Okay look,” she sighs, “I’ve already promised I’ll go round tonight, but I’ll make sure I’m home all weekend. We can watch a film together or summat, yeah?”

“Whatever,” Debbie shrugs, turning to start picking up the toys that the kids have left scattered on the living room floor. Charity hesitates for a moment, a small voice in her head reminding her that once again, she’s putting a relationship before her kids, but she shakes the thought away. Her and Vanessa are not in a relationship. Not exactly. So surely it doesn’t count?

\-----------------

Outside, the air itself seems frosty as it pinches at her cheeks. Stuffing her ungloved hands into her pockets to keep warm, she watches her breath rise in swirls before her face. The village is quiet, though the distant sound of festive music and jolly laughter echo from the Woolpack. 

Charity hates this time of year anyway, but Declan dying had at least meant that the festivities in the village had been a little more subdued than usual. It had been strange, watching the funeral procession on New Years Day, so many villagers dressed in black and looking miserable. For once, it had felt like her grief belonged in the world and the edges of it had felt a little less sharp. She had allowed herself to imagine that the funeral was for her baby boy – a funeral he most likely never got. In reality, he had probably been stuffed into an unmarked grave, with no name to put on a gravestone and no mourners to place flowers. 

She hadn’t attended the funeral. Partly because she didn’t have any grief to spare for Declan, but also because her guilt didn’t belong in the church. Instead, while half the village sang hymns, Charity had sought comfort in Vanessa’s bed. 

As the weeks have passed, she’s been spending more and more time at Vanessa’s. She tries to tell herself that it’s just a distraction, just a bit of fun, perhaps even a rebound from Jai – but she knows deep down that it isn’t any of those things. She knows there’s more to it than that – that Vanessa is different. When she’s with Vanessa, she feels safe. When Vanessa kisses her it’s like they’re speaking in a language that only they understand, and when Vanessa touches her it feels like freedom. 

\--------------

  
She doesn’t knock, knowing by now that Vanessa will have left the door open for her. 

“It’s just me!” she yells, as she turns and locks the door behind her before taking off her coat and hanging it up next to Vanessa’s. 

“I’m just getting out of the bath, I’ll be down in a minute… wine’s in the fridge if you want some.”

By the time Vanessa gets down, Charity has poured the wine and made herself comfortable on the sofa, flicking through the veterinary magazine that Vanessa had left on the table. She’s particularly engrossed by a special feature on fungal diseases in sheep when Vanessa leans over the back of the couch and peers over Charity’s shoulder at the article. She smells of strawberries and soap and her hair is damp against Charity’s cheek. 

“I had no idea your job was so glamorous,” she scoffs, turning her head slightly to drop a gentle kiss on Vanessa’s cheek. Vanessa turns just in time to catch her lips with her own, a mischievous glint in her eye when she pulls away. 

“Oh you should have seen last months special on winter dysentery,” she laughs, making her way round the couch and nudging Charity’s legs so she can sit between them. Charity throws the magazine back on the table to make room her. 

“Here babe,” Charity murmurs, passing Vanessa her glass of wine so she doesn’t have to move again. “Rough day at work?”

“Let’s just say if I hadn’t had a bath, you would have got up and walked straight back out by now.”

There’s something oddly domestic about this thing that has grown between them, though it is an unspoken rule that neither of them question it. Charity finds herself looking forward to these chats and cuddles in front of the TV almost as much as the sex that will inevitably follow. She tells herself that it’s a side effect of having a friend with benefits – the friendship part of things means they have to care about each other. She chooses to ignore the fact that she doesn’t spend all day wondering what Chas is doing or counting down the minutes until she can see her. 

“So what was the big animal emergency of the day then?” Charity murmurs into her hair as Vanessa relaxes against her, eyes fluttering closed. 

“One of Moira’s cows delivered a calf, so not only have I had my arm up a cows vagina all afternoon, but I then got drenched in amniotic fluid when she delivered.”

Charity can’t help the chuckle that escapes as she pictures the scene Vanessa describes. Her laughter earns her a light slap on the thigh and a scowl that barely disguises the smile beneath it. 

“There must be some perks of the job, surely. To make all this messy stuff worth it?” Charity asks as she absent-mindedly plays with Vanessa’s hair. 

“You mean watching new life come into the world doesn’t count as a perk in your eyes?” Vanessa mumbles, leaning into Charity’s touch.

“Well yeah, apart from that obviously…”

Charity’s experiences of bringing new life into the world haven’t exactly felt like miracles. Debbie had been snatched from her arms and given up for adoption, her first baby boy had died and Noah had been born while she was in prison. Though she loved her children more than life itself, giving birth to them had been traumatic to say the least.

“Well, there’s the CPD stuff,” Vanessa mumbles. “Like on Monday, Paddy’s sending me to a conference run by the RCVS in Leeds… it’s about recent research into sheep vaccinations.”

Charity tries to hold back the laugh but it ends up coming out as a strangled snort. It’s oddly adorable, she thinks, that Vanessa genuinely thinks that conferences about sheep vaccines is a perk of the job. 

“You are such a nerd,” she whispers in her ear, crying out when Vanessa retaliates with a sharp elbow in her groin. 

“I’ll have you know that the conference isn’t the perk,” she insists, “the RCVS put you up in a hotel and give you money towards a meal too, so there…” She scrunches up her nose and sticks out her tongue like a petulant child, and Charity can’t resist kissing the smirk right off her face.

“You know,” she begins, an idea quickly taking shape on the tip of her tongue, “I might have to meet a client in Leeds on Tuesday morning and you know, it would make sense to stop over the night before so I don’t get stuck in the morning traffic...”

Vanessa opens one eye and tilts her head to look at Charity.

“Really?” she asks, one eyebrow raised in disbelief.

Charity shrugs, “Maybe, maybe not. But if I did, it would make sense to share a hotel room wouldn’t it?”

Vanessa turns herself around until she’s kneeling between Charity’s legs, studying her intently for any sign that she’s joking around. 

“Are you being serious?” she asks, her hands pressing her weight into Charity’s thighs.

“I just think it would be nice to not have to sneak around for one night, don’t you?” 

The smile that Vanessa gives her then makes something flutter in her stomach and she can’t remember when making Vanessa happy became her favourite thing to do.

Vanessa kisses her hard then, her excitement palpable as she unbuttons Charity’s shirt, pushing it roughly over her shoulders and catching Charity’s moans in her mouth. 

\---------------

“Come on mum, where are you really going?” Debbie asks, leaning against the door frame as she watches Charity pack a small suitcase. 

“I’ve told you Debs, I’ve got a meeting in the morning so I’m stopping over to avoid the morning rush hour.”

Walking over to the bed, Debbie rummages in the suitcase until she pulls out Charity’s best lingerie, a red lace set. She holds the knickers on one finger and with her other hand on her hip she raises her eyebrows accusingly at her mother.

“Wear sexy underwear to all your meetings do you?” 

Most of the time Charity is proud of how cynical her daughter is because it only makes it harder for anyone to take advantage of her. This however, is not one of those times. Snatching back the underwear, she shoves it back into her case. 

“They’re my lucky pants,” she insists but Debbie only scoffs, shaking her head in disbelief.

“You know mum, if you’re seeing someone, you can tell me. You and Jai are getting a divorce so you don’t have to keep secrets.”

Charity wonders what her daughter would say if she knew the truth. Although sneaking around has it’s perks, she knows she won’t be able to keep Vanessa a secret for much longer – her daughter is literally the human version of a blood hound and she can smell her mothers lies from a mile off.

Realising that she’s not going to get a straight answer from her mother, Debbie storms off with an exasperated sigh. 

  
\--------------

  
By the time Charity arrives, Vanessa has already managed to shower and dry and curl her hair. With one of the hotel’s white dressing gowns wrapped snugly around her waist, she takes a deep breath before opening the door. 

“Room service,” Charity sings, holding up a bottle of wine. Shaking her head, Vanessa takes the bottle and ushers Charity inside. Relief washes over her as she watches Charity inspect the room thoroughly before nodding her approval. 

“I bet you’ve stayed in much nicer places than this before,” she notes as she glances around the room herself. It’s definitely more business executive than luxury, but it’s clean and the Queen size bed is comfortable. 

Charity shrugs off her jacket and drapes it over the tub chair by the desk, dropping her hand bag on top before reaching out to grab hold of the belt of Vanessa’s dressing gown. With a sharp tug, Vanessa finds herself flush against Charity who grins at her before kissing her soundly.

“Some nicer places yeah, but never with company as good as this…” she mumbles, as her fingers make short work of the knot before sliding across the bare skin of her stomach and hips. 

Charity is good with her hands. So good that Vanessa instantly forgets about the plans she had made for their evening and allows Charity to push her back onto the bed. After a weekend apart whilst Charity spent some much needed time with her family, Vanessa is more than ready for her and it isn’t long before Charity coaxes the first orgasm out of her. 

  
\-------------

In the end, hunger gets the better of them and they decide to get ready and head out to eat, if only to recharge their batteries for later. Vanessa tries her best not to stare at Charity, who has decided to wear a little black dress that hugs her curves in all the right places, but when Charity catches her looking and wiggles her hips, Vanessa gives up trying to be discreet.

The hotel is in the city centre, so they don’t have to walk far at all before they find a restaurant that they both agree on – Italian. Vanessa is grateful for the free carafe of water on the table, chugging down a glass of it as she tries to steady her breathing. 

This is the first time she’s been out in public with Charity and not had to hide anything. When Charity reaches over the table and covers her hand with her own, Vanessa can feel the blush in her cheeks as she tries to discreetly check if anyone is staring at them.

“Stop fretting,” Charity laughs. “You don’t know any of these people and they don’t know us, so who cares what they think?”

Nodding, Vanessa slowly exhales, rubbing a thumb over Charity’s knuckles. 

“In fact,” Charity whispers excitedly, “How about we think of tonight as a practice run… we be as gay as we possibly can and I prove to you that the world won’t end as a result?” 

Vanessa blushes, but despite the anxiety that Charity’s idea provokes, she finds herself rather excited by the idea of kissing Charity in public. 

“And what does being ‘as gay as we possibly can’ entail exactly?” she smirks.

Before Charity can answer, the waiter arrives to take their order. Charity doesn’t let go of her hand as she flicks through the menu. Vanessa finds herself glancing at the waiter, check for his reaction, but if he has noticed their hands, he clearly doesn’t care. 

“Maybe you could recommend something for us,” Charity muses, closing the menu and winking at Vanessa with a mischievous grin. “You see, my date and I, we’ve got some strenuous activity planned for later tonight, so we need something that will give us plenty of energy but not fill us up too much, if you catch my drift?”

As if the suggestive tone of her voice hadn't been enough, Charity adds one of her trademark winks.

Vanessa wonders how it could have possibly gotten so hot so quickly as she fans herself with her menu and looks anywhere but at the poor waiter. She can tell he’s embarrassed though as he stutters out a few of the specials and starts babbling nervously about how pasta is a slow release energy food.

Charity squeezes her hand, “I reckon we should get the lasagne then babe, what do you think?” 

Vanessa clears her throat and nods her head, “Yeah… that sounds good,” she manages to mumble, letting go of Charity’s hand so she can pour herself another cold glass of water.

“And two G&T’s if you don’t mind,” Charity adds, passing the menus to the waiter who gives them an odd little bow before scurrying away as fast as possible.

With one hand at the side of her face to block out the rest of the restaurant, Vanessa stares at Charity in complete disbelief.

“What did you do that for?” she hisses, but Charity only chuckles.

“You should have seen your face,” she giggles, holding onto her stomach. “Calm down babe, seriously, you’re going to give yourself an aneurysm. And anyway, look around, nobody cares. The world didn’t end.”

Tentatively, Vanessa lowers her hand and slowly peers around at the other diners around them. Charity’s right. Not one person is looking their way – far too concerned with eating their own food or chatting among themselves. Perhaps, she thinks, it’s not that big of a deal after all. Taking a deep breath, she smiles coyly at Charity as she remembers exactly what she’d said to the waiter.

“You called me your date,” she teases. And then it’s Charity’s turn to blush.

  
\------------

By the time they’ve finished eating, Vanessa is looking considerably more relaxed, most likely thanks to the three gins that she’s downed. Still, Charity feels an odd sense of pride when Vanessa uses her card to pay the waiter and winks at him as they leave. 

It’s almost dark when they get outside and the fresh air makes Charity’s head spin a little. Vanessa giggles when Charity almost sways into the road, but catches her arm and holds onto it tightly as they make their way back down the street.

“So what’s next for this big gay night out then?” she says, resting her head on Charity’s shoulder as they walk. Charity tries to ignore the flutter in her stomach at the gesture but presses a kiss to the top of Vanessa’s head all the same. 

“Well, I know of a great little bar that we should definitely visit,” she announces, tugging Vanessa across the road when there’s a gap in the traffic. 

From the outside, the bar looks just like any other, but Charity watches Vanessa’s jaw drop the moment they step inside. Almost immediately, a queen in full drag approaches them and offers them a free shot from a tray she’s carrying. Charity thanks her and takes the two shots, nudging Vanessa before passing her one. It’s a neon blue colour and it burns her throat as she knocks it back, but it does the trick and Charity drags Vanessa to the dance floor.  
Vanessa’s dance moves leave a lot to be desired, though Charity thinks it probably doesn’t help that she’s too busy gawping at everyone else to concentrate on what her arms and legs are doing. All around them are same-sex couples dancing with each other or snogging, and Vanessa is dumbstruck by it all. Finally seeming to remember where she is and who she’s with, she stands on her tip toes to stage whisper in Charity’s ear.

“This is brilliant!” she grins, and Charity wonders how Vanessa has spent her whole life never once setting foot in a gay bar. She’s never been one for closets herself, but she reckons Vanessa’s must have been huge. 

As she allows herself to relax, Vanessa’s dancing becomes a bit more coordinated and slightly less embarrassing. Charity smiles at how carefree she looks, how completely comfortable in her own skin she is. 

When a slightly slower song begins to play, Charity pulls her in closer, pulling her arms around her waist before resting her own loosely around Vanessa’s shoulders. Vanessa stares at her so intensely in that moment that the rest of the bar seems to fade away entirely. All she can hear is the thrum of her own heart and all she can think about is how close Vanessa’s lips are. Pushing up on her tip toes, Vanessa brushes her lips softly against Charity’s for a beat before closing the distance between them entirely. 

When Vanessa finally pulls away, Charity is almost surprised when the sounds of the bar filter back in. Vanessa too, looks around briefly, smiling at the fact that not one person looks remotely interested in the fact that she’d kissed Charity in the middle of the dance floor. Taking hold of Charity’s wrist firmly, she begins tugging her off the dance floor.

“Let’s get out of here,” she yells, though Charity barely hears her over the music.

Once they’re outside, Vanessa turns to look at Charity with a wide smile before sliding her arms around Charity’s neck and kissing her softly again. 

“Thank you,” she murmurs, “I’ve had a brilliant night.”

\---------------

The hotel is only a couple of streets away, so they decide to walk. Vanessa has clearly worked up quite an appetite though because she can’t seem to walk more than a few yards before she has to push Charity up against a wall and kiss her fiercely. 

“I’ve created a monster,” Charity laughs, not quite willing to admit how much she is enjoying this out and proud version of Vanessa. 

They are so caught up in each other that it takes a while for Charity to realise that something isn’t quite right. Turning back, she notices a group of lads following them, pointing at them and laughing amongst themselves. In her state of giddiness, Vanessa seems to be blissfully unaware of their presence and Charity finds herself hoping that they’ll get to the hotel before one of the idiots decides to ruin their night. Her heart sinks when she hears footsteps speeding up behind her.

“Oi, are you two really dykes?” he yells, running in front of them and forcing them to stop. “Only you’re both too fit to be proper lezzers aren’t you?”

Vanessa is stunned and silent by her side, but Charity sees red. Mustering all her strength, she shoves the drunken idiot out of the way. 

“Get a grip you knob,” she spits “I think you’ll find we’re way too fit for you, that’s for sure.” 

The man stumbles a little but manages not to fall. She can smell the beer on his breath as he puts his face back in front of hers and snarls. He looks like he’s in his late 20s but its hard to be sure. Vanessa grabs hold of her arm tightly then, tugging her away from him and beginning to walk them swiftly back towards the hotel. Behind them, she can hear the man’s friends encouraging him to leave it, clearly embarrassed by their mates behaviour. 

“Tom, just leave them alone will ya?” one shouts as he jogs to catch up with them again.

“You should listen to your mates, Tom,” Charity mutters through gritted teeth, trying for Vanessa’s sake to not give in to temptation and sucker punch the douchebag right there on the street.

“Nah, I reckon you just both need a good seeing to, that’s all,” he slurs, gawping at Charity’s cleavage and then at Vanessa who is clearly terrified as she holds on to Charity’s arm even tighter. 

“Aw come on love,” he laughs, “there’s nothing to be scared of… I’ll be gentle.” He grabs at her then, clearly aiming for her breasts but in his drunken state, he misses completely and ends up pawing at her waist. She jumps back causing him to stumble slightly and Charity feels something inside of her snap.

Before she can think about what she’s doing, she’s swung her knee sharply into his groin and shoved him to the ground. He clutches at his crotch and cries out in agony, but the rage she feels still isn’t satisfied. Spotting a loose brick on the pavement, she lunges for it and smacks him over the head with it before he can even see her coming. She pulls her arm back to hit him again, but Vanessa grabs her arm and pulls her back. 

As his mates gather around him on the floor, Vanessa eases the brick out of Charity’s hand and throws it back on the ground. Charity’s hands are shaking with the adrenaline of it all, and she can barely feel Vanessa slide her fingers between her own, gripping tightly.

Everything seems to happen in slow motion then. One of the men stands up to phone an ambulance and she catches a glimpse of the man on the floor, at the blood covering one side of his face and his eyes closed. His other friends are checking his pulse and breathing. None of them look at her, clearly afraid that she’ll knock them out too if they try and say anything. 

Beside her, she can feel Vanessa shivering, from the cold or perhaps from the shock of it all. Maybe even fear. All she knows is that she had seen him try and grab Vanessa and something dark and twisted and woken up inside her. 

“I think you’ve killed him,” Vanessa whispers before she bursts into tears. 


	8. January 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Leeds incident. Charity puts her walls back up and Vanessa gets an unexpected visitor.

Charity flinches as the heavy, iron door slams shut behind her, echoing off the stone walls of the small, dingy cell she’s been left in.

“Lights out in ten,” the officer yells from the other side of the door before his footsteps slowly fade away. The silence Charity is left with is deafening.

Shivering, Charity makes her way over to the bed, wrapping the woollen blanket provided around her shoulders and drawing her knees up under her chin. The blanket is itchy and smells faintly of someone else’s sweat, but it’s warm. 

She is grateful for the cold. When she’d been living on the streets, the cold had kept her senses sharp and kept her alert to potential danger. It serves the same purpose now, jolting her out of confusion and pulling the jumbled events of the evening back into focus.

The police had turned up with the ambulance, but Charity had been so focussed on the man on the floor that she’d barely registered their presence, only taking her eyes off the man’s face when an officer handcuffed her and shoved her into the back of a police car. 

If she closes her eyes, she can still see his face. Not just how it had looked afterwards, covered in blood and nose clearly broken, but how it had looked when he’d lunged at Vanessa. In that moment, for a split second, his features had seemed to change and he’d looked just like _him_ , with the same cold, dead eyes and arrogant snarl.

The past can’t stay buried forever, no matter how deep you dig it’s grave. Like roots, it works its way back to the surface eventually, gnarled and twisted. Charity had spent more than 20 years putting as much money and rich men between her and the gnarled, twisted things in her past, but somehow, it still found ways to haunt her.

Absent-mindedly, she picks the brick dust from beneath her finger nails as she tries to imagine how the night might have been different if they’d stayed in that hotel room and ordered room service instead of going out to eat. But there’s no room for imagination in that cramped prison cell, only regret. 

More than anything she regrets the look on Vanessa’s face as she’d been put in a police car herself – though not cuffed like Charity. The officer that had brought her in had told her Vanessa was a witness and that when the bloke she had clobbered woke up and gave his statement, they’d need to question them both separately. But cuffed or not, Vanessa had looked terrified. Whilst Charity is no stranger to the inside of a cell, she’s willing to bet a lot of money that Vanessa has never been in trouble with the police in her life. 

Giving in to the exhaustion that has settled heavily in her bones, Charity lies down on the thin mattress, curling herself into a foetal position. Outside, she can hear the twittering of birds, boasting about their freedom as they go about their morning rituals. 

  
\---------------------------------

  
She feels as though she has barely slept when the scraping of locks on the cell door wake her. 

“Rise and shine sweetheart,” the officer on duty bellows, “time to go home.”

Unsure if she’s still dreaming, Charity blinks a few times and rubs her eyes as she scrambles into a sitting position.

“I’m free to go?” she asks. They hadn’t even taken a statement from her yet. 

“Aye, that you are. The bloke you clobbered has decided not to press charges. You can thank your mate for that. Now get a shift on, before I change my mind.”

More confused than ever, Charity jumps to her feet regardless and follows the officer out into the corridor and back towards reception. The woman at the desk already has her belongings out and ready to be signed back over. 

“Sorry, but what did you mean by ‘thank your mate’ exactly?” she asks, signing her name on the sheet and gathering her belongings together.

The officer rolls his eyes, “She threatened to press charges against him for sexual assault unless he dropped it, and he’s decided it’s not worth the hassle so you’re free to go. Your daughter is waiting for you through there.”

Charity groans. The last thing she needs is a lecture from Debbie, but if they’ve called her up to come and collect from a police station in Leeds, she’s fairly certain that that is exactly what she’s about to get. 

Thanking the officers hastily, she takes her few belongings and heads through to the reception area. As she’d expected, Debbie looks livid, tapping her car keys manically against her leg and scowling when she catches sight of her mother. She doesn’t say a word though, simply marching out of the front door and heading straight for her car while Charity has to break into a light jog just to keep up with her. 

She doesn’t speak until they’re on the motorway and her knuckles have turned completely white where she’s gripping the steering wheel.

“What the hell were you thinking mother?” she finally snipes.

Charity winces at the hostility in her daughter’s voice. The truth is that she has no idea how to explain what had happened – why she had snapped – without pulling out every skeleton in her closet and parading them around for Debbie to see. Besides, she’s tired of thinking about it. Thinking is all she’s done all night and all she wants to do is crawl into bed and shut out the world.

“Well clearly I wasn’t thinking was I? Can we please not do this now, Debs. It’s been a really long night.”

Debbie scoffs, glancing briefly at Charity before turning her eyes back to the road. 

“Don’t you even want to know how I knew to come and get you?” she asks.

“Well, I’m assuming the police rang you,”

“Nope. Vanessa turned up at the house this morning, told me what had happened…” She pauses then and glances over at Charity a few times to check her reaction. Charity turns to look out the window. If Debbie knows that she was with Vanessa last night, then she may well have worked out why Charity had lied about it. Perhaps she’s already interrogated Vanessa and got the truth of it from her. 

“So, do you want to tell me why spending the evening in Leeds with Vanessa had to be some big secret?” Debbie continues. 

Charity can tell from the tone of Debbie’s voice that all she’s looking for is confirmation of what she’s already guessed for herself. 

“Fine,” she grumbles, “we’ve been seeing each other, sort of anyway, and we just wanted to get out of the village for one night, you happy now?”

Debbie scoffs, “Not remotely happy mum. Who you sleep with is entirely up to you, but why all the sneaking around? And why did you end up knocking some douchebag out?”

“It doesn’t even matter, Debs. She’ll probably never want to see me again after last night anyway so can we just talk about all this later please?”

With a deep sigh, Debbie turns her full attention back to the road and grants her mother the silence she so desperately wants. Shifting her body slightly, Charity rests her head on the window and watches the passing blur of countryside that stretches out beyond the edge of the motorway. The hum and vibration of the engine are oddly soothing and in the warmth of the car, Charity finds herself drifting off to sleep.

\---------------------

“Will you sit down please, Vanessa,” Rhona whines. “You’re giving Edna a run for her money with all this curtain twitching.”

Vanessa doesn’t budge from her post by the window. It’s been at least 3 hours since she saw Debbie leave to pick up Charity and by her calculations, they should have been back by now.

She ignores Rhona’s plea. She’d had to phone in sick to work, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to think about anything except Charity until she knew she was okay. Rhona had taken it upon herself to come and check up on her and had ended up staying put once she’d heard all the grizzly details.

“You know, I don’t want to say I told you so -” Rhona begins.

Vanessa’s head spins round so fast that she practically gives herself whiplash.

“Then don’t!” she snaps. “I’ve told you Rhona, she was defending me.”

Rhona scoffs, “There are less violent ways of defending people you know, she didn’t have to smash his face in with a brick!”

Vanessa grits her teeth. She knows that Rhona is only looking out for her and she knows that Charity’s reaction was extreme, but she’s sure there’s more to it than either of them know. When Charity had grabbed that brick, Vanessa had seen the emptiness in her eyes, as though she wasn’t completely there. It was a look that she’d seen before. Whenever she’d asked a question about Charity’s childhood, Charity’s eyes would gloss over and she’d go quiet. Vanessa had never pushed it, and Charity had never elaborated, but it was pretty clear that there was a darkness inside of Charity that nobody knew about.

“You don’t know Charity,” Vanessa snipes, “There must be a reason why she reacted like that.”

“Yeah, the reason is that she’s trouble. Everyone round here knows it and you’d know it too if you’d known her for as long as we have.”

Vanessa is just about to respond when she spots Debbie’s car pulling up outside Mulberry.

“Let yourself out Rhona,” she insists as she heads for the door. 

By the time she reaches Mulberry, Charity has already gone inside and Debbie is just about to close the door when she spots Vanessa hurtling towards her. 

“How is she?” Vanessa pants, holding onto her side as she sucks some much needed air back into her lungs. Debbie bites her lip and moves a little closer to Vanessa, lowering her voice to a whisper.

“Not very talkative. I’m a bit worried about her to be honest.”

Vanessa nods, relieved that she isn’t alone in her concern for Charity. 

“Can I see her?” she asks, peering around Debbie into the house. Debbie moves to block her, shaking her head.

“No offence, but I think she just needs to get some sleep right now,”

Vanessa considers pushing Debbie into letting her in, but she knows that if Charity isn’t ready to talk about what had happened, it is utterly pointless trying to make her. Reluctantly, she nods and takes a few steps back before turning to leave. 

With her hands stuffed into her jean pockets, Vanessa makes her way slowly home. 

  
\-----------------------

She’d been stood outside Vanessa’s front door for twenty minutes, trying to work up the courage to knock. Charity knows that as soon as she knocks and Vanessa invites her inside, there will only be two options available to her. She can either be honest and tell Vanessa the real reason that she’d attacked that bloke, or she can do what she’s always done and run away. Charity isn’t sure which course of action requires the most courage as both feel equally impossible. She’d contemplated simply avoiding Vanessa indefinitely instead, but Debbie had insisted that she deserved some sort of explanation and had practically pushed her out of the door. 

When the living room light goes off and the front window is shrouded in darkness, Charity swallows the lump in her throat and knocks quickly before she has the chance to change her mind.

She isn’t expecting Vanessa to throw her arms around her on the doorstep, but she does. Her arms wind around Charity’s neck and she buries her face in Charity’s hair. Instinctively, Charity slides her arms around Vanessa’s waist in response, pulling her impossibly closer. For just a moment, she forgets why she’s there and what she has to do and simply allows herself to get lost in the warmth of Vanessa.

“I’m so glad you came round, I’ve been so worried,” Vanessa murmurs into Charity’s hair, and almost instantly the spell is broken. Charity steps back from Vanessa, winding her arms around her own waist so that she won’t be tempted to reach for her again.

“We need to talk.” Her voice is firm and Vanessa recoils slightly at the sudden coldness. Her eyes search Charity’s quizzically but Charity knows that there’s nothing there for her to find. 

“Come in,” she whispers and Charity follows her inside. 

Glancing around the living room of Victoria Cottage, Charity feels a stab of grief. She had come to feel safe in these rooms. Had almost dared to think that she belonged there. It wasn’t the bricks and mortar of it all, but the bits of Vanessa that were everywhere – in the sunflowers on the windowsill and the yellow throw on the back of the sofa; in the little goat ornaments on the fireplace and the animal prints on the wall. She finds herself wandering around the room, touching everything one last time and trying to commit all of these things to memory.

“We should probably talk about last night huh?” Vanessa ventures, easing herself onto the sofa and tentatively patting the space next to her. Charity ignores the invitation and turns back to the fireplace, turning the little goat ornament with a chipped horn over in her hands. Charity had never been a big fan of knick knacks – she’d thought they were cheap and tacky, preferring expensive furnishings regardless of whether they meant something to her or not. She loves that Vanessa doesn’t think like that. 

She wants to ask Vanessa if she can keep one of them, but it wouldn’t feel right. These little comforts don’t belong to her and she doesn’t deserve them.

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” she murmurs, placing the little goat back among his brothers and sisters. “I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I figured it was best to get it over with.”

She can’t bring herself to look at Vanessa but she knows already that there’ll be confusion and fear in her features – a wrinkled brow and a quivering lip perhaps. She notices that her own hands are trembling and shoves them in the pockets of the coat she hadn’t taken off.

“I wanted to apologise for the way I behaved last night. I didn’t mean to lose it like that and I’m sorry that you got dragged into it.” 

“Charity -,” Vanessa interrupts, but Charity turns then and holds up a finger to her lips.

“Shh, please let me finish Ness,” she insists and watches as Vanessa reluctantly swallows the words back down, nodding warily.

“I hoped that you’d never get to see that side of me,” she continues, “or have to find out certain things about me, about my past. The truth is… I’m just not a good person and I think maybe it’s good that you figure that out now rather than later. It will be less messy if we just call it quits now.”

The words feel heavy in her mouth, sticking in her throat uncomfortably before she can manage to get them out. With each word, she watches Vanessa’s eyes widen as the realisation of what Charity is saying sinks in. 

And it hurts more than she thought it would. Everything between them was still so new and unformed and she’d hoped that would make it easier somehow, but it hadn’t. Because this thing they hadn’t named or acknowledged had already grown roots when they weren’t paying attention and those roots were clinging on stubbornly, refusing to be torn up and cast aside. 

When Vanessa stands and reaches for her, Charity steps back, knowing that if she lets Vanessa touch her that it will all come undone. And when Vanessa tries to speak, Charity doesn’t let her, knowing that it will only make it even harder to walk away.

“There’s nothing else to say,” she insists. “Trust me, this is for the best.”

Before the traitorous tears can fall, she leaves Vanessa standing in the middle of the living room and lets herself out. She walks fast, until her heart is racing and her lungs cry out for air but she doesn’t slow down until she reaches Mulberry. 

  
\--------------------------

  
Vanessa cries off sick the next day, ignoring each of the ten calls from Rhona that follow. The last thing she needs in another ‘I told you so’. She stays in bed until noon.

Thirst and hunger finally force her downstairs but the toast that she makes tastes like cardboard and she ends up throwing most of it in the bin. Curling up in the corner of her sofa, she flicks mindlessly through TV channels before giving up and turning it off. Intermittently, she finds herself at the window, looking up at Mulberry and wondering if Charity feels awful about this too.

They had never put a label on the relationship but after two months, it had become something more real than every other relationship Vanessa had ever had. It was as though everything before Charity had merely been practice. Even the love she’d thought she had for Rhona seems small and childish now. And she’s not sure if it had been love or had simply had the potential to be love, but she knows that even if it isn’t love, nothing else has compared to it. And if it isn’t love, then this is still the closest thing to heartbroken she’s ever been.

The day slips away from her as she spends the whole afternoon watching the saddest films she can find on Netflix. She forgoes dinner, opting instead to polish off the leftover tin of Roses that a customer had given her for Christmas and open the bottle of gin that Rhona and Paddy had given her. As the alcohol begins to numb her senses, she begins the vicious cycle of picking up her phone, writing an epic novel of a text to Charity and then deleting it and throwing her phone across the sofa. 

She’s on her third G&T when she hears a knock at the door and practically falls over herself to answer it. Before she opens the door, she smooths down her hair and wipes her mouth with her sleeve to make sure there’s no chocolate there. Her misguided hope that Charity might have come to apologise and talk things through like an adult is quickly dashed when she realises that it isn’t Charity at all, but a man she’s never seen before.

“I’m not interested,” she grumbles and tries to close the door. The man puts his hand on the door to stop her.

“I’m not selling anything love,” he laughs.

“Well, my soul don’t need saving either,” she insists, trying once more to close the door. The man doesn’t budge, though he does look pretty amused.

“I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness either. I’m with the police.” He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out his badge to show her. 

Vanessa feels instantly sober. When she’d left the police station in the early hours of Tuesday morning, the officer there had given her the impression that if the bloke wasn’t pressing charges, then there was nothing they could really do. They certainly hadn’t mentioned that she’d be getting unexpected visits. 

“Um, if this is about what happened on Monday, I’ve already given my statement to the police,” she mumbles.

The man offers a patronising smile, but it doesn’t quite warm the cold indifference in his eyes. 

“I know that, but I just have a few follow up questions if that’s okay. It shouldn’t take long. Am I alright to come in?”

Stepping aside, Vanessa waves the man into her house. His dead eyes are immediately surveying everything and there’s something almost predatory in the way that he walks around her living room, seemingly cataloguing everything he sees. 

“My names Mark by the way,” he offers, holding out a hand for her to shake. “Detective Inspector Mark Bails,”

“Vanessa Woodfield,” she replies, tentatively shaking his hand and gesturing for him to sit down on the sofa. 

He starts by asking her the same questions that the police at the station had asked her. Where had they been? Where were they going? What had instigated the altercation between Miss Dingle and Mr Kent? Vanessa gave the same answers she had before but he makes notes anyway. 

“Look, I’m sorry if this seems rude,” she blurts out, “but we were told that the man had dropped the charges. Has he changed his mind? Only he assaulted me first and if he’s going to take things further, then I’d like to do the same.”

Bails shakes his head slowly as he finishes writing his sentence. 

“Nothing like that Miss Woodfield, no. But what my colleagues at the station should have made clear is that sometimes, if a serious crime has been committed, the police can still investigate without the victim’s cooperation.”

Vanessa shivers and the taste of regurgitated gin floods her mouth. 

“But… but, it was self defence, sort of…” she stutters.

Bails taps his pen against his notepad and seems to consider Vanessa carefully before he speaks again.

“Look Miss Woodfield, you seem like a sensible, law-abiding citizen so I’ll be straight with you. Miss Dingle has made quite a name for herself over the years. I’m assuming your girlfriend has told you about her past?”

Vanessa shakes her head slowly, “No, she hasn’t. I know some things but she’s not much of a talker. And she’s not my girlfriend. Not any more.

She tries not to sound bitter, but he seems to pick up on it anyway and something like excitement flickers across his face. 

“I wouldn’t take it too personally Miss Woodfield, people like Miss Dingle are a bit like whirlwinds. They tend to leave a trail of destruction wherever they go. Take Mr Kent for instance, he’s likely going to need some reconstructive surgery as a result of the attack.” 

Vanessa isn’t sure whether it’s the alcohol in her system making her mind foggy, but it almost sounds as if Bails knows Charity personally. It certainly feels as though he’s trying to convince Vanessa that she’s a terrible person. 

“He tried to attack me, Charity was just defending me…” she insists, though in her confusion, she sounds a little less sure of herself. 

Seeming to sense her weakness, Bails tries a different tact, softening his voice slightly and leaning in a little closer.

“Of course Miss Woodfield. You are a victim in all of this too. These events must have been extremely traumatic. And people like Mr Kent and Miss Dingle really shouldn’t be able to get away with behaviour like that, should they?”

He’s so close now that she can smell his breath and her skin begins to crawl. She’s not stupid. Even if she’s had a few drinks it’s still blatantly obvious that this guy is trying to manipulate her into wanting to see Charity punished. There’s nothing she’d like more than to tell him to get stuffed and kick him out of her house, but she stays quiet instead. Although she’s never had much to do with the police, she’s pretty certain that they aren’t supposed to behave like this. 

“What is it you want me to do exactly, DI Bails?”

A smile creeps up his face that makes her blood run cold. 

“Well, it’s like you said Vanessa… can I call you Vanessa? Mr Kent doesn’t want to press charges or give a formal statement so in order to formally charge Miss Dingle, we’ll be needing a statement from you that confirms that Miss Dingle’s actions were extreme and made use of unnecessary force.”

And there it was. The slimy truth of it all. Beneath the smarmy arrogance and fake sympathy, all he’d really wanted was for Vanessa to throw Charity under the bus.

“Sorry, DI Bails, but I don’t think I can help you,” she snipes, standing and making her way back to the front door and opening it. “I’d like you to leave now.”

Seeing that he’s getting nowhere, Bails stands slowly and gives her a tight smile. He doesn’t leave immediately, surveying her living room one more time. His eyes seem to linger on the coffee table where a few of her veterinary magazines are stacked. 

“You’re a vet?” he asks, intrigued.

“Yes, what’s that got to do with anything?” she snaps.

“Nothing really. It’s a very admirable profession. I imagine most people would frown on a vet having a criminal record.” He tears his eyes away from the magazines and looks directly at her, no longer trying to hide the fact that he’s as bent as a 9 bob note. 

“W-what do you mean?” Vanessa stutters. 

“It would just be a shame if we got a statement from someone else that implicated yourself as taking part in the attack. I mean, either way, Miss Dingle will go down for this, but it would be a real shame if you let her drag you down with her.”

In stunned silence, Vanessa watches him gather his things and walk slowly out of her house. On her doorstep, he turns back around and passes her a business card from his top pocket. 

“My numbers on here. If you change your mind about giving us a statement, just give us a call. But don’t wait too long or we might have to look elsewhere for a statement.”

She takes the card and studies it carefully, looking for some sign that it’s a fake, that he’s a fake and that this is just one big practical joke. It looks completely professional and legitimate. By the time she looks back up, he’s already halfway down the path and Vanessa closes the door before rushing to the bathroom to throw up. 


	9. January 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa tells Charity about Bails. Charity does not take the news well...

Vanessa splashes cold water on her face and brushes the aftertaste of vomit from her teeth before looking at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Heart racing, she tries to make sense of what had just happened. Of course she knew that bent coppers existed – she’d watched Line of Duty – but to actually come face to face with one seemed almost surreal. And why was he so desperate to see Charity sent down that he’d orchestrate a false witness statement and threaten to frame Vanessa? None of it made sense. 

She knew that Charity had a chequered past – plenty of people in the village had delighted in telling her so since they’d gotten close – but she simply couldn’t imagine the Charity she knew doing anything so bad that she would have a high ranking police officer so determined to take her down. 

Drying off her face with a towel, Vanessa knows what she has to do. She checks the window first, squinting into the darkness of Main Street for any sign that Bails is still hanging around. When she’s confident that he’s left, she grabs her coat and heads for Mulberry.

Debbie answers the door and from the way her face falls at the sight of Vanessa, it’s obvious that she knows something has gone on between her and Charity. 

“Look, I know she’s hard work,” Debbie says sympathetically, “But she’ll be more likely to listen to reason if you give her a day or two…” 

Vanessa shakes her head, “That’s not why I’m here Debbie, I’ve just had a visit from the police and she really needs to know about it. Please, it’s urgent.”

Debbie glances back into the house and bites her lip before nodding and waving Vanessa into the house. 

“Right you lot, upstairs now, I’ll read you stories before bed,” she smiles and Noah, Sarah and Jack begrudgingly leave the mess of toys on the living room floor and traipse towards the stairs. They look curiously at Vanessa, but don’t say anything. “I’ll send her down,” Debbie adds, before following the kids up.

Vanessa tries not to be nosy, but she can’t help glancing at the photos that are dotted around on every wall and surface. Charity features in a few of them, as does Noah and some of the other Dingles. She wonders briefly what it might have been like to have a big family, or even a small family that cared enough about you to put your photo up in their home. 

“I told you there was nothing more to say. You should leave.” 

She hadn’t heard Charity come down and as she turns to her voice, Vanessa fights the urge to run over and wrap her arms around her. Charity looks utterly deflated, her eyes empty and her voice flat. Whether it’s Vanessa she’s sad about or something else entirely, it hurts to see her suffering. 

“I’m not here because of that. I’ve just had a police officer round at mine and thought you should know what he said.” 

For a moment, Charity looks crestfallen that Vanessa hadn’t come round to try and convince her to change her mind. She schools her expression quickly, but Vanessa has become adept at spotting the flashes of truth that sometimes break through the tough exterior that Charity presents to the world.

“Yeah, what’s that then?” Charity shrugs, averting her eyes and trying her best to look like she doesn’t care.

“He wanted me to make a statement saying that you went for that bloke. They want to charge you themselves, even though that Tom guy isn’t taking things further.” 

Charity scoffs, “Sounds about right for them, the police don’t exactly like giving my family the benefit of the doubt babe.” 

Vanessa shakes her head, “No, you don’t understand, he threatened me. He said if I don’t make a statement, that he’ll get someone else to, maybe one of the blokes mates, and he’ll get him to say I assaulted him as well.”

Charity’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion then as the seriousness of things finally seems to sink in. 

“He can’t do that,” she insists, shaking her head in disbelief.

“He seems to think he can,” Vanessa insists. “I don’t know why, but he seems to really hate you Charity.”

Vanessa watches as some sort of realisation seems to dawn on Charity then and her confusion turns to fear. Wrapping her arms around her own waist defensively, she looks at Vanessa with wide eyes.

“W-what was his name?” she asks, almost forcing out the words, as if she’s scared to hear the answer. Vanessa knows before she speaks that Charity is going to recognise his name. 

“Bails.. he said his name was Mark Bails,” she whispers.

Charity’s hands fly to her face then, muffling the cry of shock and fear that his name seems to draw from her. She turns away from Vanessa, shaking her head.

“No, no, no,” she mumbles, “this can’t be happening.” 

Vanessa follows as she marches into the kitchen and starts rooting through cupboards until she finds a small bottle of gin. Unscrewing the cap, she drinks it straight from the bottle, taking a few big gulps before slamming it down on the counter and wiping the back of her mouth with her sleeve. She stares blankly for a moment before she cries out again and her legs give way. She slides down to the floor and buries her face in her hands. 

Vanessa has no idea what to do, no idea how much comfort Charity would accept from her or if it’s even comfort that she needs. She hadn’t known what to expect, but it certainly hadn’t bee the abject terror on Charity’s face as she literally crumpled into a sobbing wreck before her eyes. 

“Who is this guy?” Vanessa asks softly, tentatively reaching out and placing one hand on Charity’s leg. Charity flinches but doesn’t recoil from the contact. 

Charity shakes her head, gulping for air before she can speak. 

“He is someone I wish you’d never had to meet Vanessa,” she manages to say, her voice strained. 

Vanessa groans in frustration at the vagueness of Charity’s answer. 

“Well, do you think he can do what he says he will? Fix us both up?”

Charity nods slowly, “Oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all, babe.” 

Her tears are almost gone and her breathing is gradually becoming more steady as bites furiously at her nails. Unblinking, her brow furrows in thought and Vanessa waits patiently for her to gather her thoughts.

“Listen Ness, you have to give him what he wants. You have to make that statement,” she insists, her hands reaching out and clutching Vanessa’s tightly. 

Shaking her hands free, Vanessa stands and looks down at Charity, unable to process what she has said. 

“Are you mad?” 

Charity laughs, “Probably. But you shouldn’t be. You don’t have a choice Vanessa. Give the statement and worry about yourself, I’ll worry about me. We don’t owe each other anything.”

Using the counter, Charity pulls herself back up, wiping at her cheeks and Vanessa can see that the emptiness is back. That this brief display of emotion and turmoil has now been locked back into whatever box it had come from. 

“Charity, I’m not going to help that man, no matter what you say, so you might as well tell me why he’s doing this to you,” 

She reaches out for her arm, but Charity flinches out of her grasp immediately, as if Vanessa’s touch is fire.   
“You can go now,” she whispers, heading back through the house to the front door and opening it. Vanessa searches her eyes for something warm, but if it’s there, she’s hiding it well. As soon as she steps outside, the door closes behind her and perhaps Charity thinks she can’t be heard through the thick wood of the door but Vanessa hears her slump against it.

  
\--------------------------------

  
The next day, she goes back to work, hopeful that it will provide something of a distraction. She had slept in fits, her mind full of Charity and Bails and a dozen theories about why he hated her and she was so terrified of him. She’d sent texts, every one of them read but none of them answered. In the end, she’d given up, sending one last text to say that she wouldn’t try and talk to her again but that she still wasn’t going to give that statement. 

She had tried to keep up appearances and had successfully fooled Pearl and Paddy into believing that she’d just had a cold, but Rhona had been watching her like a hawk all morning. As soon as Paddy and Pearl were out of earshot, her best friend was by her side, demanding to know what was wrong.

“You’ll be glad to know that Charity doesn’t want to see me any more,” Vanessa scoffed, unable to mask the bitterness in her voice. “And before you say anything, no, I’m not okay and no, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

She leaves Rhona standing in the office and returns to reception to call in her next patient, an old Border Collie who is going blind in one eye. It doesn’t take her long to diagnose that the problem is cataracts and she gives Trixie’s owner a few phone numbers of veterinary opthamologists that can perform the surgery. As she waves them off at the door, she spots a very stressed out looking Debbie marching towards her. 

“Is she at yours?” she yells and Vanessa doesn’t need to turn around to know that Pearl’s ears have pricked up at Debbie’s question. Closing the door to the vets behind her, Vanessa steps outside. 

“No Debbie, I haven’t seen her since last night, why?” Vanessa replies as Debbie reaches her and pauses to catch her breath. 

“She’s disappeared. Said she was going out for a walk last night and not to wait up for her. I figured she’d gone to work early when I got up this morning, but Jimmy’s just rang saying she hasn’t shown up. I’m really worried, it’s not like her to run off like this, at least not without Noah.”

Debbie has to stop again to breathe, her words tumbling from her faster than she can suck air into her lungs. 

“What do you mean, disappeared?” Vanessa hisses, panic clutching at her throat. 

“I mean, she hasn’t taken her phone or anything, she’s just gone. Did she say anything to you last night about going somewhere?”

Vanessa shakes her head slowly, remembering Charity’s reaction to hearing Bails’ name and then the coldness as she’d shut Vanessa out both literally and figuratively. She’s fairly certain that Charity would never speak to her again if she told Debbie about Bails, but it’s not as though Charity is talking to her anyway and if she’s in some kind of danger because of it all, then Vanessa doesn’t see that she has any other choice.

“Listen Debs, there’s some police officer that’s trying to get her sent down for what happened in Leeds and he’s got some sort of vendetta against your mum… when I told her he’d visited me last night, she almost lost it completely…”

If Debbie does know anything about Bails, she hides it well as she struggles to process what Vanessa is saying.

“When you say lost it completely…” she murmurs, “Do you think she’d do something stupid?” 

Vanessa wants to say no – that the Charity she knows is far too strong and tough to do something like that over a bent copper. But the fear in Debbie’s eyes stops her, reminding her that she doesn’t really know Charity Dingle as much as she wishes she did. 

“I-I.. I don’t know,” she admits, her stomach twisting into knots at the thought of Charity being out there somewhere and possibly hurt. Debbie pulls her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it. 

“Are you phoning the police?” Vanessa asks, “I’m not sure we can trust them with this…” she adds. 

Debbie laughs as she places the phone to her ear, “I think a bit of Dingle has rubbed off on you, I’m not phoning the police…”

Vanessa can’t help but blush at Debbie’s innuendo, but before she can ask who she’s phoning, she spots Jai heading over to them, waving his phone in the air. 

“Debbie!” he yells, and she hangs up the phone without reaching whoever she’d called. Putting her phone back in her pocket, she turns to face him and Vanessa sees the same coldness that she’d seen in Charity last night as Debbie squares up to him.

“What do you want Jai?” she snaps, arms folded and eyes narrowed. He holds up both hands in surrender and stops short at a safe distance from the feisty Dingle. 

“I’ve just had a phone call from Hotten General, your mum mustn’t have changed her next-of-kin details yet… she’s in a bad way, thought you might want to know…”

Debbie spins around to look at her and Vanessa sees her own fear reflected in Debbie’s eyes as they share an unspoken understanding. Opening the door to the surgery, she runs in and grabs her coat. Pearl is on her feet immediately, sniffing out the potential for gossip.

“Cancel my appointments or get Rhona and Paddy to cover, I’ve got to go…” she instructed, heading back out of the door before Pearl has the chance to ask her where she’s going. She knows Paddy and Rhona will be furious at her for running out on her appointments, but she’ll deal with them later. Pulling her car keys out of her pocket, she waves them at Debbie.

“I’ll drive, come on…” 

Debbie nods and runs to the passenger side of Vanessa’s little blue car, leaving Jai stunned and standing outside the vets.

“I hope she’s okay,” he yells after them as they drive off.  
\--------------------

Vanessa finds herself struggling to keep up with Debbie as she charges through the hospital like a tornado, demanding answers from every help desk and doctor she comes across. When they eventually find the right ward, the nurse at the desk ushers them into a small waiting room and promises them that she’ll get the doctor to come and speak to them as soon as he’s available. 

After ten minutes, other Dingle’s begin to filter in, responding to the family group message that Debbie had sent hastily in the car. Zack, Lisa and Belle arrive first, rushing over to Debbie and wrapping her in a hug. Chas, Cain and Marlon follow shortly after, looking suspiciously at Vanessa though none of them say anything. They don’t have to. Vanessa has never felt more out of place and unwanted as she does in that moment. Awkwardly, she turns to stare out of the window, biting her thumb to keep herself calm.

“Hey,” Debbie whispers, grabbing hold of Vanessa’s elbow, “You okay?”

Vanessa smiles gratefully at Charity’s daughter and nods, “I’m fine, just hope we hear something soon.” she murmurs, glancing over Debbie’s shoulder at the Dingle’s who can’t seem to understand why Debbie is allowing Vanessa into the fold. 

“Don’t worry about them,” Debbie says, “I haven’t told them what you said about that police officer. I don’t think mum would appreciate everyone knowing her business.”

Vanessa feels a tension she hadn’t even realised she was holding ebb away at Debbie’s reassurances. Perhaps if only Debbie knows what’s going on, she still has a chance of being forgiven. 

The doctor turns up half an hour later, professionally ignoring the grunts and gripes of the Dingles who aren’t too happy with how long they’ve had to wait. 

“I take it your all family?” he asks, and Cain turns to look at Vanessa.

“Yes, we’re all family,” Debbie insists, tugging her dads arm so he doesn’t say anything. “I’m her daughter, is she okay?” 

The doctor smiles softly at Debbie then, turning his attention to her as he speaks. Vanessa moves a little closer but finds herself blocked by the huddle of Dingle’s around the doctor. Awkwardly, she hovers behind Zack and Lisa, straining to hear.

“She’s unconscious, but she’s stable. A passer-by called it in, told the paramedics that she’d found her by the lake. She wasn’t wearing any shoes and there was an empty bottle of vodka nearby,”

Cain scoffs then, only to be nudged by Lisa and told to keep it shut. 

“Her pulse and blood pressure were dangerously low when she arrived. Hypothermia had set in, probably because she was too intoxicated to get herself somewhere warm. Her blood alcohol levels were pretty high.”

“So it’s alcohol poisoning?” Zack asks.

“Yes, and hypothermia. We’ve got her on a glucose drip and we’re keeping her hydrated and monitoring her oxygen levels. She’s in and out of consciousness at the moment, but we’re confident that she’ll make a good recovery.”  
There’s a collective sigh of relief from the room.

“Can we see her?” Debbie asks. The doctor looks incredulously at the large number of Dingle’s in the room.

“I’m afraid I can only let a few of you in. She might get overwhelmed if there’s too many.” 

Debbie looks around then, her eyes landing on Vanessa. Reaching through the mass of bodies, she grabs hold of Vanessa and pulls her through. 

“Me and Vanessa will go and see her guys, you should all head home and we’ll ring if there’s any news.”

“You’re joking right?” Cain scoffs, before a chorus of protests rise from the rest of the family. Debbie ignores them completely, dragging a reluctant Vanessa with her as they follow the doctor down the corridor, leaving a room full of pissed off Dingle’s behind. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” she whispers, “Cain’s right, I’m not family and I don’t think your mum really wants to see me right now.” 

Debbie just keeps walking, a look of pure determination on her face. “Yeah, well, you’re the only one who sort of knows why she’s done this and I trust you more than that lot back there when it comes to helping mum, so…”

  
Vanessa feels her heart stutter in her chest when the doctor shows them into the little side room and her eyes fall on a frail looking Charity. Machines beep and whir around her, keeping track of her blood pressure, heart rate and oxygen levels. An oxygen mask covers her face and there’s a cannula in the back of each hand, providing the hydration and glucose that the doctor had mentioned. 

“It looks worse than it is,” the doctor assures them, before leaving them alone and heading back off to see to his other patients.

Debbie pulls up one of the blue plastic chairs and grabs hold of her mother’s hand. Charity’s eyes flicker slightly at the contact and Vanessa steps back, scared of what Charity’s reaction might be if she opens her eyes and finds her there. 

“Mum, it’s me,” Debbie sniffled, “You scared me to death you daft cow.”

Charity doesn’t respond and Debbie tries shaking her hand a little. Helplessly, she turns and looks imploringly at Vanessa.

“Would you try?” she asks. Nervously, Vanessa pulls another chair over and sits on the opposite side of the bed to Debbie. Tentatively, she slides a hand into Charity’s, curling her fingers gently around the cannula and stroking the side of her hand softly with her thumb. 

“Charity,” she murmurs hoarsely, “it’s Ness. I know you probably don’t want me here but you’re going to have to wake up and tell me to stuff off if you want me to go.” 

Debbie smiles at her tearfully, and nods her head gratefully. After a beat, Charity’s eyes flicker slightly and Vanessa feels a little pressure as Charity grips her hand slightly. 

“Keep talking,” Debbie insists. Taking a deep breath, Vanessa nods.

“Anyway, even if you do tell me to stuff off, I reckon I might ignore you. They’ve got you hooked up to like a thousand machines so I don’t think you could kick me out if you tried. Because you can’t pick and choose who cares about you Charity and like it or not, you have people around you that care about you an awful lot. Your kids need you, your family needs you… I need you. And there’s nothing from your past or anything that this Bails guy might have done that is going to change that.” 

Another squeeze of her hand stops Vanessa in her tracks as she looks up at Charity through teary eyes. Her eyes flicker open briefly a few times before she turns her head slightly towards the sound of Vanessa’s voice and manages to keep her eyes open long enough to focus. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her words as dry and brittle as her lips. Tears gather in the corners of her eyes as she tries and fails to keep her eyes open. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Vanessa whispers, standing and leaning over to press a small kiss against Charity’s forehead. It feels like taking liberties but Vanessa doesn’t care, simply relieved that Charity was going to be okay. 

She doesn’t say anything else, drifting back to sleep, but it is enough and it seems to have reassured Debbie. 

“Will you stay with her while I phone Grandad and Lisa. I’m going to ask them to mind the kids at mine so I can stay with her.”

Vanessa nods, and Debbie slips out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Sitting back down, she presses her lips to the knuckles of Charity’s hand.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my whole life as I was today,” she whispers, not caring if Charity is awake to hear it or not. “And you know, you can hate me all you want when you wake up and you can keep pushing me away, but I don’t think I know how to stop caring about you Charity. You saved me when you sat down at the pub with me that day back in November. Not in a knight and shining armour kind of way, but you pulled me out of that closet and showed me how good it could feel being honest with myself. And all I want is to help you in return. There are no skeletons in your closet that can scare me.”

If Charity can hear her, she doesn’t show it. 

The doctor refuses to let them both of them stay, so Vanessa leaves reluctantly after seeking assurance from Debbie that she’ll call as soon as there’s any changes. Debbie promises she will and hugs Vanessa before she leaves. 

As expected, when she turns her phone back on in the car, there are dozens of messages from Rhona demanding to know where she is and what’s happened. Throwing her phone onto the passenger seat, Vanessa decides that she will deal with Rhona tomorrow. After barely sleeping for days and now knowing that Charity is safe, for now, all she wants to do is curl up in her bed and fall asleep.

\-----------------------------------

Vanessa sleeps late the next morning, grateful that it’s her day off and that she can avoid adding tardiness to her list of work-related misdemeanours. She checks her phone immediately, but there are no calls or texts from Debbie – only four more messages from Rhona who has somehow found out on the grapevine that Charity is in hospital and is sorry for all the expletives in her previous texts. Vanessa texts back a quick reply, promising to let Rhona know next time there’s an emergency before heading to the bathroom to shower.

When she gets out of the shower and turns off the water, she realises that her phone is ringing in her bathroom. Wrapped loosely in a towel, she runs and throws herself onto the bed, grabbing her phone and answering it quickly.

“Hello?”

“Vanessa, it’s me,” Debbie replies, “mum’s awake and she’s asking for you.”

Looking down at her towelled body and running her fingers through her damp hair, Vanessa calculates roughly exactly how long it will take her to look somewhat presentable.

“I can be there in half an hour,” she decides firmly, hanging up the phone and heading straight for her wardrobe.


	10. January 2014

The ward is busy when she arrives and Vanessa has to side step flustered looking nurses as she makes her way to Charity’s side room. Hovering anxiously by the door, the first thing she notices is that Charity is asleep, curled up on her side now that she’s attached to fewer machines and with a bit more colour in her cheeks. Debbie is sat by her side, legs tucked under her as she flicks mindlessly through a magazine, looking up occasionally to check on her mother. 

Suddenly, Vanessa isn’t sure if it was entirely sensible to rush here as quickly as she had. For all she knows, Charity might want to see her just to have a go – for telling Debbie about Bails or for trying to stick her nose in when she’d been told to get lost.

Debbie looks up eventually and smiles, unwinding herself out of the chair as quietly as she can and joining Vanessa in the corridor. 

“She’s not long since drifted off,” she whispers, nodding back towards her mum. With Charity seeming better, Debbie is also looking a little lighter. She and Vanessa had never really had much reason to talk before she’d become a part of Charity’s life, but after some initial wariness, Debbie had warmed to Vanessa and shown that just like her mum, there was a softer side to the tough exterior that most people saw. 

“How’s she doing?” Vanessa asks, unable to tear her eyes from Charity’s sleeping form. It’s hard to understand how someone who looks so peaceful can contain enough internal chaos to almost drink herself to death. 

“Well, she’s not brilliant, but she’s eaten and drank and been fairly lucid for most of the day, so the doctor’s hopeful she might be able to come home tomorrow.” 

Vanessa nods slowly, “And has she said anything about why…?” 

Debbie shakes her head slowly and sighs, “Not a word, but she said she wanted to talk to you so maybe she’ll tell you.” Debbie’s voice is hopeful, but the way her nose wrinkles tells Vanessa she’s not so sure.

“Or she’ll just tell me to get lost again and stop sticking my nose in…” 

Debbie offers a sympathetic smile, a smile that shows a shared understanding of just how unpredictable and erratic Charity can be.

“Well, either way, I need to head home and pick her some stuff up and I’d feel better knowing someone was with her, do you mind?”Vanessa nods and Debbie squeezes her arm gently before heading back into the room to grab her bag and coat. “I won’t be long,” she insists, before disappearing into the bustle of nurses and patients.

As quietly as she can, Vanessa takes Debbie’s vacated seat, allowing her gaze to briefly fall on Charity’s face. After a few minutes, she picks up Debbie’s magazine and flicks through the pages just to have something to do with her hands. 

“Hey you,” 

Charity’s voice is rough with sleep but when Vanessa looks up, she’s relieved when Charity attempts a genuine smile. Her eyes, though bloodshot and half lidded are clear and calm. Vanessa puts down the magazine without taking her eyes off Charity.

“Hi yourself,” she smiles, “How are you feeling?”

Charity scrunches up her eyes and pinches at the bridge of her nose as she groans.

“Like an idiot mostly,” she grumbles, opening one eye to look at Vanessa sheepishly. “I wasn’t trying to top myself you know, I just…” Her voice trails off, shadows flickering in her eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa blurts out then, “for telling you about him and upsetting you like I did…” The guilt had been festering all night as she’d lain awake torturing herself, trying to think of a dozen other ways she could have handled the situation that might have made Charity less likely to drink herself into a coma. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Charity interrupts, reaching over the bed to grasp Vanessa’s hand. “You were right to tell me about him and he was the reason I started drinking that vodka, not you.” Charity’s eyes bore into her own, her words firm and insistent and Vanessa is relieved by her absolution. Charity doesn’t take her hand back, Vanessa notices, so she raises her own to rest on the bed so that the IV tube isn’t stretched quite as much. 

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” Vanessa murmurs, tracing the veins on the back of Charity’s hand. Charity turns her hand palm up and slides her fingers between Vanessa’s, squeezing gently.

“Well I’m an idiot, clearly. I shouldn’t have pushed you away Ness. I’m sorry.”

Something shifts in her chest then and it is suddenly easier to breathe. 

“So why did you then?” she asks.

“I guess I thought I was doing you a favour after what happened in Leeds… because I reacted that way because of Bails and what he did to me and I knew it would only be a matter of time before you started asking questions… I… I just didn’t want to lie to you but I didn’t want to scare you either.”

She’s practically whispering, squeezing her eyes closed to hold back tears that are making her eyelashes shimmer beneath the bright lights of the hospital. Vanessa lets go of her hand then, reaching up to stroke a thumb gently beneath each eye.

“He really hurt you didn’t he,” she whispers, and her words seem to break down the last of Charity’s walls as the tears begin to fall freely and her chest heaves with the force of the sobs that follow. 

\---------------------------------

The story that Charity tells her is far more harrowing and upsetting than anything Vanessa had dared to imagine and to make matters worse, it’s fairly obvious that Charity is editing a lot of the more grisly details out. 

Her physical repulsion to his presence when he’d turned up at her house starts to make sense as Charity explains how he had groomed her when she was just fourteen and living on the streets. Vanessa’s skin crawls as she listens to Charity talk about the care and attention he would shower her with – two things she’d rarely gotten from her own father. He had promised her the most basic of things – a safe place to sleep and an education – only to rape her and hold her prisoner instead. 

Vanessa feels herself filling up with hatred as Charity shares the many ways that he had abused her – that not content with rape, he’d also beaten her, plied her with alcohol and even shared her with his friends. Bile rises in her throat as she remembers his cold, empty eyes. 

When the weight of the memories prove too much for Charity to bare, Vanessa climbs onto the bed beside her and holds her trembling body in her arms as she sobs uncontrollably. And Charity holds onto her, fingernails digging into the flesh of her arms, as though she is terrified to let go. She cries until exhaustion takes over, her body still weak from the ordeal it has been through and when the sobs become whimpers, Vanessa presses kisses to her forehead.

“I’ve got you,” she whispers. “I’m here.”

They are still in the same position when Debbie returns half an hour later carrying an overnight bag in one hand and a tray of takeaway coffees in the other. Charity has drifted into an uneasy sleep, wrapped around Vanessa in such a way that she couldn’t move even if she wanted to. Debbie chuckles as she passes Vanessa a coffee.

“I can’t actually feel my legs...” she mouths, barely even a whisper. But when Debbie tries to help her out from Charity’s grasp, Vanessa refuses. Somehow, it just feels important that she’s right there when Charity wakes up.

\------------------------------

  
Vanessa insists on being the one to stay the night, freeing Debbie to get home and see to the kids. Charity had spent the rest of the afternoon drifting in and out of sleep, but even when awake, she’d shown no interest in discussing Bails in front of Debbie.

When they serve dinner, Vanessa leaves Charity to her soggy looking quiche and heads to the canteen in search of something a little more appetising. 

She’s browsing the sandwiches when the hairs on her neck seem to suddenly stand on end and she shudders. 

“How’s our mutual friend?” His voice, like fingernails on a chalk board make her instinctively clench her fists. Charity’s words are still fresh in her mind as she turns to face him.

“What do you want?” she hisses through gritted teeth, and the arrogance in his features falters briefly. She knows she should probably be afraid of him – certainly not antagonise him – but her shirt is still damp from Charity’s tears and all she can feel when she looks into his eyes is hate.

“I came to check if you’ve had chance to consider my offer. You’re friends at the vets told me you were here with Charity which makes me think that you’re about to do something incredibly stupid.” His voice is low and deep, a clear attempt to not be over heard by the few other people in the canteen. Vanessa scoffs, and again, his eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

“I know what you are and what you did,” she spits, “and unless you want to be a rapist, bent police officer in prison, I’d suggest you back off and let this go.” He spins around on his heels and has the decency to look mortified when he realises that most people in the vicinity have overheard Vanessa and are looking at him with a mixture of horror and confusion. 

“Look,” he hisses, “I don’t know what that jumped up little tart has been telling you, but I can tell you right now that she’s fed you a pack of lies Miss Woodfield and I don’t take kindly to being publicly slandered.” His words are like venom and Vanessa watches as the vein in his temple starts to pulse, his face turning a slight shade of purple as he tries to keep his rage under control. He clearly expects Vanessa to flinch or back off, perhaps even apologise or fall in line, but she has no intention whatsoever of backing down. 

“You and I both know that Charity isn’t lying and we both know that even if you manage to weasel out of a guilty verdict, your reputation won’t be the only thing left in tatters, so seriously… back off while you have the chance.”

In the split second it takes for him to react, Vanessa’s stomach twists with panic. She’s never been particularly good at keeping her mouth shut – especially when she’s angry – but with absolutely no idea whether Charity would even want to take Bails to court, she knows she’s bluffing. She knows that if he calls her out on it, she’ll have nothing left to throw at him. Unblinking, she continues to hold his gaze, the corner of her mouth rising in a sneer. He seems to take forever to think about his next move and every second feels like a lifetime, but eventually, he steps back. Looking around at some of the people still staring at him, he lets out a nervous laugh and shakes his head.

“She’s not worth it,” he scoffs, “you’ll realise that soon enough.” Taking a few more steps back, he doesn’t take his eyes off her until he reaches the door. When he walks out, the other people in the canteen begin whispering among themselves, and Vanessa can feel the weight of their eyes on her. Without buying anything, she makes her way back to the ward.

\-----------------------------------

  
“Thought you were getting food,” Charity smiles when Vanessa returns empty handed, but the smile fades when she sees that Vanessa is shaking and looks furious. “What happened? Are you okay?” She shuffles over, patting the bed for Vanessa to join her but the adrenaline is still pumping through her body and Vanessa can’t even think about sitting down. Instead she paces the small room, collecting her thoughts and trying to regulate her breathing.

“Bails was in the canteen,” she exhales eventually, her heart clenching at the fear that is immediately clear in Charity’s eyes. 

“What did he want?” Her voice is small and quivering. Her eyes dart towards the door and the corridor as if she expects him to just walk in. 

“He wanted to know if I’d thought about his offer,” Vanessa admits. “But don’t worry, I told him where to shove it,” she adds hastily. Vanessa toys with the idea of withholding the rest of her conversation with Bails. Having only just been allowed back into Charity’s confidence, she knows that she may have crossed more than a few lines when she’d threatened him. However, keeping secrets from Charity simply doesn’t sit right. 

“I may have also told him to back off or I’d ruin his reputation and his career…” she admits quietly. “I’m sorry if I overstepped – I just wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face.” 

Charity’s eyes widen and Vanessa holds her breath. Deep in thought, Charity chews on one of her finger nails as she processes all that Vanessa has just told her. 

“And did he… back off?” she finally asks quietly. 

Vanessa nods, “He said we weren’t worth the hassle and stormed off so you know, maybe he won’t bother us again?” 

A cautious relief settles over Charity’s features then before she pats the bed next to her again. This time Vanessa climbs up, letting Charity snuggle in and get comfortable. When an arm snakes around her waist and fingertips brush gently at her hip, she wraps an arm tightly around Charity’s shoulders and holds her close. 

Charity doesn’t want to talk about Bails again after that. Instead, she pays a small fortune to get the hospital TV working and Vanessa buys a heap of chocolate and crisps from the vending machine for them to pig out on as they spend the evening watching rubbish, mind-numbing TV. After a while, Charity breaks the comfortable silence unexpectedly.

“Debbie really likes you, you know,” she mutters, turning away from the TV briefly to smile shyly at Vanessa. Vanessa blushes a little and shrugs, trying not to let on just how happy it makes her that Charity’s eldest child seems to have accepted her so easily. “That’s rare you know… as a rule, she tends to hate anyone that I’m… involved with,” she adds cautiously, the last two words barely a whisper.

“And is this your way of saying you still want to be “involved” with me Charity?” Vanessa chuckles, making air quotes with her fingers to poke fun at Charity’s careful choice of words. She wants to keep the conversation light-hearted, more than familiar by now with Charity’s fight-or-flight reflexes when it comes to discussing emotions, but she can’t ignore the stuttering of her heart at the mere idea of Charity putting a label on whatever is between them.

“Well, you didn’t run off when things got messy,” Charity explains, “and you’re just different, aren’t you…” Charity mumbles, cautiously meeting Vanessa’s eyes. Vanessa smiles and bows her head shyly. It’s hardly poetry, but it’s probably the most romantic thing Charity’s ever said to her without them both being naked. 

“Good different?” Vanessa teases, unable to help herself from pushing Charity just a tiny bit further.

Charity smirks, “Definitely good different,” she husks, sliding her hands into Vanessa’s hair and pulling her in for a bruising kiss. 

The fact that there are nurses gathered at the nursing station outside of Charity’s room prevents them from getting too carried away so after a few minutes, they pull away from each other reluctantly. 

“You know, I never really got the chance to thank you…” Vanessa murmurs, smiling at Charity’s confusion. 

“Thank me? For what?” she asks.

“That night in Leeds,” Vanessa admits, blushing slightly at the memory of the evening. “Before it all went wrong, it was probably the best night of my life… it made me realise I don’t want to keep hiding in the closet…”

Charity’s eyes widen and a hopeful smile creeps over her lips. 

“You mean, you want to tell people about us?” Vanessa had been expecting Charity to put her off the idea. Not only would being more open make things between them a bit more serious, but it would also mean Jai finding out about them. She’s surprised when Charity looks genuinely excited by the idea.

“Only if it’s what you want too…” she assures her. “I don’t want to make your divorce more difficult.” 

Charity scoffs, rolling her eyes as if Jai is the last thing she cares about. 

“I think it’s a great idea,” she whispers, capturing Vanessa’s bottom lip playfully between her own and kissing her softly.

\------------------------------------

  
Charity wakes in the early hours, clammy and nauseous, with his face still burned into the back of her eyelids. The image is blurry and obscure – a mosaic of boyish features that are only vaguely remembered after years of repression. The only things she remembers with perfect clarity are his cold eyes and the smell of his aftershave. For years afterwards, she would smell the same scent on other men and wretch. 

Turning slowly onto her side, she watches Vanessa sleeping. With her eyes, she traces the outline of her jaw, the intricate shell of her ear and the gentle slope of her nose. Her eyelashes flutter softly against her cheeks and Charity wonders what she’s dreaming about; wonders if Vanessa ever has nightmares. She commits all of the lines and angles of Vanessa’s face to memory, until the image of his face has been replaced by hers.   
She’s not convinced that this tiny blonde rocket woman in front of her has really scared Bails off. The Bails she remembers wouldn’t give up so easily. If anything, he’s merely stepped back into the shadows to wait for the right time – to figure out his next move. But she stood up to him and tried to protect her, and that’s more than anyone else had ever done.

She reaches out tentatively to move a strand of hair from Vanessa’s cheek and tuck it back behind her ear. After Jai’s betrayal, she hadn’t expected to feel this way again, certainly hadn’t expected to trust someone the way she trusts Vanessa. And she’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t a little bit terrified. If she really stopped to think about it all rationally, she’s sure she could think of a dozen reasons to walk away from the sleepy little vet. To put her walls back up and protect her heart from being broken again. But beneath all the fear and anxiety, there’s also a certainty that she can’t quite explain.

Vanessa is different. 


	11. February 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I've left this story alone for a long time and to be honest, I'm not sure if I should have just left it to die of natural causes - but it's always at the back of my mind and there is plenty that I still want to write about in this timeline (if people are still wanting to read it). 
> 
> Let me know either way.

The drive back to Emmerdale from the hospital had been painful.

Somewhere between waving goodbye to the nurses on the ward and getting to where Vanessa had parked her blue beetle on the car park, Charity had completely shut down. Once her seat belt was buckled, she had seemed to shrink and curl into herself as she pressed her forehead to the passenger window and became seemingly engrossed with the goings on of the car park. She peered into every parked car they passed and examined every person within a ten metre radius.

Vanessa knew that she was looking for him and that she wasn’t really convinced at all that Vanessa had managed to scare him off.

The Charity that had needed Vanessa close to her last night – who had been so keen to make their relationship official and public – seemed to have faded now that they had left the relative safety of the ward.

“He knows where I live,” she whispered, as they left the bustling streets of Hotten behind and took the first of many country lanes that would lead them back home.

Vanessa realised that she was simply grateful that Charity had said something – anything. The silence had been claustrophobic, giving her too much room to second guess everything.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” she said, with more confidence than she really possessed. Charity turned and studied her then for the first time and Vanessa hoped that her smile was convincing enough.

“No offence babe, but that would be like asking a Yorkshire terrier to take on a Great Dane.”

The knots in Vanessa’s stomach loosened slightly. Even a half-hearted joke was something, even if it was at her expense.

“To be fair, Yorkshire terriers are pretty scrappy and Great Danes are softer than you’d think. Size isn’t everything.”

“That’s what all short people say,” Charity muttered.

Taking her eyes off the road briefly, Vanessa noticed that she was scratching at the back of her hand. The medical tape they’d used to hold the cannula in place had irritated her skin, but she was scratching it so hard now that it was starting to bleed. Vanessa didn’t say anything; she simply held out her hand, relieved when a few moments later, Charity took it.

She didn’t speak again until they pulled up outside of Mulberry. The front door opened instantly as Noah and Sarah rushed out to greet them. They must have been watching for them at the window, Vanessa thought. At the sight of them, Charity withdrew her hand from Vanessa’s hastily.

Taking a deep breath, she painted on a smile that was almost convincing and opened the passenger door. Her son and granddaughter hugged her tightly, pinning her against the car and making it impossible for her to move. It was only when Debbie, who had Jack on one hip, used her spare hand to pull them off her that Charity made her way unsteadily to the house.

Vanessa was already at the boot, loading herself up with bags. She had to put her car keys in her mouth temporarily so that she could close it again.

She hadn’t really spent much time with Charity’s son, Noah, or her grandkids. She’d only really gotten to know Debbie over the last week or so. Anxiously, she followed the rest of the family into the cottage and busied herself putting the bags down next to the stairs. Once that was done, she found herself hovering nervously. The kids had already dragged Charity to the sofa where they’d covered her in a blanket and Noah was now walking painfully slowly from the kitchen to his mum with a steaming mug of tea in his hands.

“Debbie says no more wine mum,” he informs her as she takes the mug from him and places it on the coffee table before hugging him tight.

“That’s right baba,” she mumbles into his mop of blonde curls.

Nobody seems to have noticed her awkward presence so Vanessa clears her throat, quietly at first and then a little louder when no one looks her way.

“Oh, sorry Vanessa, do you want a brew?” Debbie asks, already moving towards the kitchen.

“Oh, no Debbie, thanks anyway but I should probably go and leave you guys to it.”

She doesn’t wait for an answer. She doesn’t want them to feel like they have to invite her to stay. Clearly, they all need Charity a bit more than she does right now. Charity offers her a weak smile from over the back of the sofa and Vanessa knows that she’s already overwhelmed enough. She doesn’t need to explain to her son why the local vet is suddenly following them around everywhere.

She’s already outside when Debbie catches her up and stops her from closing the door.

“Hey,” she smiles breathlessly. “I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for looking after her. For not being scared off.”

There’s a heavy gratefulness in her words that makes Vanessa wonder just how many people give up and walk away from Charity. She wonders if they knew even a fraction of the horrors that the woman had actually survived before they had. 

“All things considered, I think she’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” she admits.

Debbie nods, a smile softening her usually sharp features, before slipping back inside and quietly closing the door. On the other side of it, Vanessa can hear them laughing and chatting and for all the whispered promises of the hospital bed, she knows that she isn’t a part of Charity’s world yet. 

**********************************************

Vanessa is certain that there are many things in life that a hot bath won’t cure, but whatever those things are, she doesn’t know. Even at her lowest moments in life, a hot bath has at least made her feel like a human being again – a human being in pain perhaps, but also a human being who can survive.

She fills the tub almost to the brim, adding plenty of bubbles and one of the lavender bath bombs that her mum had sent her for Christmas. And as she eases herself into the steaming, silky water, she immediately feels better. The knots of tension in her shoulders begin to unravel as she eases herself back and lets the hot water wash over her. She’s never been religious – not even a little bit – but when she’s in the bath, she understands why baptisms always involve water.

It’s not that she has sins to wash away. For all the shame that Paddy and Marlon had heaped onto her after Rhona, Vanessa knows that when she’s with Charity, it is only ever sinful in the most wonderful way. Beyond that, it’s the most good and honest thing she thinks she’s ever experienced in her life.

But it isn’t simple. Bails has complicated everything and even if he does stay away, and they can eventually just find a way to be together, Vanessa knows now that his shadow touches every part of Charity’s life. So long as he is out there somewhere, free to walk in and out of her life, Charity will never know peace.

So it isn’t Charity that she washes away in the bath. It isn’t shame or sin or even regret – it’s those old ideas of what she always imagined love would turn out to be when she finally felt it. Because she doesn’t really care anymore if love is simple or complicated. However rough the road has to be, she knows she wants to travel it with Charity – to see if all the obstacles and hurdles might eventually lead them to something worth the struggle.  
  
So she would wait for Charity to readjust and reset – figure out what she wanted to do about Bails and figure out just how Vanessa would fit into it all. She would wait for as long as Charity needed her to because though she’d never been good at being patient, she was ready to give it a shot.

The front door slamming shut startles her out of her thoughts as her heart leaps into her throat. She was sure she’d locked the door.

“Who is it?” she yells, already climbing out of the bath and reaching for a towel. There’s no reply, but she hears the footsteps on the stairs. Looking around for something to defend herself with, Vanessa grabs hold of the toilet roll holder in one hand as she clutches the towel to her breast bone with the other. And when the bathroom door starts to open, she’s ready, weapon raised and ready to swing.

“Whoa, calm down Rocky!” Charity laughs as she takes in the sight before her. “You weren’t wrong about Yorkshire terriers being scrappy were you?”

Vanessa’s euphoric relief at not having to face a burglar, or worse – Bails, is soon replaced by anger and once the toilet roll holder is safely back in place beside the toilet, she uses her one free hand to shove Charity playfully backwards.

“You cow! Why didn’t you just tell me it was you?”

Charity smirks, but her eyes are focussed on how the towel doesn’t completely preserve Vanessa’s dignity. She hadn’t had time to wrap it securely round her body, and upon realising the fact, she rolls her eyes and makes the necessary adjustments. Not because she’s embarrassed – Charity has seen her naked plenty of times after all – but because she wants to know why Charity’s sneaking into her house and the other woman is clearly not going to give her a straight answer if she’s all distracted.

“Oh, you’re no fun,” she sulks, pushing her bottom lip out dramatically and crossing her arms like a child who’s just had their favourite toy taken away.

“Charity, what are you doing here?” Vanessa asks, ignoring the transparent attempts to avoid a serious conversation.

“Well, I don’t know about you,” she says, inching closer, “but that bath looks awfully inviting right about now.”

Taking fistfuls of towel, she tugs Vanessa closer and it takes all of her will power to not just kiss her right then. But she knows Charity well enough by now to know that this is all about distraction. About her not wanting to face up to the events of the last few weeks and what it might mean going forward. And whilst a very large part of Vanessa wants nothing more than to support Charity’s efforts to distract herself, she knows she should at least make it clear that Charity can count on her for more than just that.   
  
“Hey,” she says, pulling back and instantly missing the weight of Charity’s body against her own. “I thought you’d need some time with your family and to recover and that. Is everything okay?”

Charity’s eyes roll back predictably as she releases her grip on Vanessa’s towel.

“You know that’s a stupid question, right?” she deflects.

“What is?” Vanessa raises an eyebrow.

“The ‘Is everything okay?’ question. I mean, name me one person we know that could honestly answer that question in the affirmative.” After a moment of silence while Vanessa visibly goes through the list in her head, Charity laughs. “See. Stupid question. And Debbie could see I wanted to come over and she said I should, so here I am. I mean, unless you don’t want me to be here?”

The last words are uttered a fraction of an octave lower than the rest and Vanessa’s pretty sure most people wouldn’t pick up on the insecurity behind them, but she does. And though she’s pretty sure that she’s never met a woman tougher than Charity Dingle, she also knows that she’s never met anyone so fragile either.

“If I could, I’d have you here all the time,” she murmurs, taking a step closer and pressing herself against the other woman until they both stumble back against the door.

Right now, Charity needs to feel wanted and safe and Vanessa sure as hell isn’t going to deny her that. When Charity’s hands find the knot in the towel this time, Vanessa doesn’t pull away.

***********************************

“The water’s kind of cold,” Charity laughs, as she settles back between Vanessa’s legs.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed…”

And she hadn’t noticed. She’d been far too preoccupied by the heat between them to notice the bath water growing tepid. She forces her eyes open as the last tremors of her orgasm fade away.

They’d never had sex in the bath before and she doesn’t think they’ll be in a rush to try it again. Looking over the side, there was now more water on the bathroom floor than there was in the tub. Finding a position that had worked for both of them had been a bit of a logistical nightmare.

But they were nothing if not resilient and and they’d persevered until they had completely exhausted themselves.

“Can you stay?” Vanessa asked, moving the damp strands of hair from Charity’s cheek and moving them gently behind her ear. Charity’s breath is warm against her chest, evaporating the droplets of water that linger there and sending a shiver down Vanessa’s spine.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to,” she mumbles, the hint of a sulk in her words.

“And why on earth would you think that?” Vanessa asked, puzzled. The question drew a sigh of frustration from Charity, because being asked to explain her feelings through the medium of conversation was never her favourite thing to do. She much preferred arguments and sarcasm.

“The way you rushed off earlier. You couldn’t get out of Mulberry fast enough. I figured you saw the kids and had changed your mind about what we talked about last night.”

The laugh that erupts from Vanessa then shudders through every inch of her body. Shaking her head, she covers her face with her hands and tries to muffle the noise. Charity twists awkwardly around and stares at her hard.

“Have I driven you to insanity? Is that what this is?”

Eventually, the giggles subside and Vanessa wipes away the tears from her cheeks

“I’m sorry,” she manages to say, followed by a long, steadying breath. “It’s just that I’d literally convinced myself of the same thing, but the other way around. You were so quiet in the car that I figured you’d changed your mind.”

Charity looks at her for a moment before the corners of her mouth begin to twitch.

“Well aren’t we just a pair of dickheads then.”

Vanessa is almost asleep when she feels Charity sigh against the nape of her neck.

“I’ll tell Noah about you tomorrow,” she whispers into the darkness.

************************************

She’s not sure how she expected Noah to react but she had been prepared for anger and upset, at least because he was still smarting over Jai’s betrayal. Instead, he just carried on chewing his toast until he had swallowed it before shrugging his shoulders and simply saying “Okay. Can I have a lift to school?”

He’d gotten up from the table then and headed into the living room to watch morning cartoons with Sarah.

“Mum’s got a girlfriend,” she heard him say to her granddaughter nonchalantly.

“Like Amelia’s mums?” she replied.

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

And then there was only the sound of Scooby Doo. Stunned, Charity sat motionless for a little longer, wondering what she had been so afraid of. Of course there were other couples in same sex relationships in the village. Noah and Sarah had both known about Aaron and Jackson too. Unlike when she and Vanessa had been growing up, kids today just accepted that families came in all different shapes and sizes.

He didn’t think to ask her who her girlfriend was until they were almost at school and he grins when she tells him that it’s Vanessa.

“Do you think she’ll let us come and see the animals?” he asks eagerly.

“Maybe. You can’t keep any though. They all belong to people already.”

“I know.” She stops the car near the school gates and he quickly kisses her cheek before clambering out of the car. She watches him wander through the school gates and over to a group of friends before they all disappear inside.

Shaking her head, she can’t help but laugh as she drives off. If Vanessa gets Noah’s approval so easily, then it had to be a good sign.

***********************************

Vanessa was in surgery when Charity arrived at the vets and Paddy had been very confused when she’d settled herself into a chair in the waiting room and picked up a magazine.

“I can ask her to call you when she’s done,” he prompted, but Charity wasn’t taking the hint.

“Nah, I’ll wait for her. It’s important.”

She hides her smile behind the magazine as she sneaks glances at him looking confused by her presence. For a man with such a large head, he was pretty dense, and winding him up was always much too easy.

“So, Padster, what’s new in the world of veterinary medicine?” she asked, throwing the magazine back on the table.

“Why do you suddenly care?” he asks suspiciously. He, like most people, doesn’t expect her to be interested in anything that doesn’t affect her directly. And to be fair, he’s right.

“Let’s just say, I’ve discovered a newfound passion for vet stuff,” she smirks.

The vein in his temple is working overtime and she can practically see the cogs turning as he tries to make sense of what she’s said. In the end, he gives up.

“Look, this is a surgery Charity, you can’t just hang around waiting for your mate to finish work. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

She smiles at his exasperation.

“Oh, definitely Paddy.”

By the time Vanessa emerges from her surgery to hand Paddy some notes, the poor guy is starting to lose his patience with Charity. Vanessa’s eyes shoot back and forth between the two people, clearly confused as to what is going on.

“What are you doing here?” she hisses as she steps a little closer to Charity.

“I’ve been trying to figure that out myself,” Paddy grumbles behind her as he shuffles the papers angrily. Ignoring him, Charity leans closer to Vanessa.

“I’ve told Noah,” she whispers with a grin. Vanessa’s eyebrows shoot up as she seems to conclude from Charity’s excitement that his response had been positive.

“So he’s okay with it?” she asks, wanting to be sure.

“More than okay. He thinks it’s brilliant.”

Vanessa glances back towards Paddy and grins, the same idea forming in her mind that had brought Charity there in the first place.

“Kiss me,” Vanessa whispers, and Charity doesn’t need to be asked twice.

She slides her fingers along Vanessa’s jawline and into her hair, holding her head gently as Vanessa’s hands slide beneath her coat and find her waist, tugging her closer. Pretty quickly, Charity forgets all about Paddy and gets lost in the warmth of Vanessa’s mouth, in the way her lips part suggestively and how her tongue teases her. Charity no longer remembers where they are or who else is in the room, until there’s a loud crash.

Pulling apart, they look behind them to see that Paddy has jumped to his feet and had managed to send his chair flying in the process. Rhona rushes in from the surgery at the noise and looks back and forth between Paddy and the two women.

“What’s all the commotion for?” she asks, staring at Paddy who can only point at Charity and Vanessa with his mouth flopping open and closed like a deranged goldfish. Eventually, he remembers how to make words.

“They were… they were… they were kissing,” he finally manages to say, staring wildly at Rhona.

“Is that all?” she exclaims, rolling her eyes dramatically before turning and heading back through the door to finish her work. Paddy stares after her, still dumbstruck.

Charity leaves him to it and turns back to Vanessa. Her cheeks are a little flushed, perhaps with embarrassment at Paddy’s reaction or just from the intensity of the kiss, but she’s smiling.

“Are you done with work now?” Charity asks eagerly and Vanessa laughs.

“It’s only 11, but I can take an early lunch,”

“Woolpack or café?”

They decide on the café, both silently hoping that Brenda would be working that morning. They had joked in the hospital that they would only need to hold hands in front of her and the whole village would know their business before they’d finished their coffees.

Vanessa grabs her coat and both women wave goodbye to Paddy who is still gaping at them and has yet to blink.

**************************************

The café is quiet and Ruby, who is leaning on the counter, perks up when they walk in.

“What can I get you ladies?”

“I’ll have a latte,” Charity says, turning to Vanessa. “What about you babe?”

“Same,” Vanessa says, trying to mask her disappointment that it’s Ruby and not Brenda serving them. “Brenda not working today?” she asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

“She’s nipped to the cash and carry, but she should be back soon,” Ruby mutters as she writes down their order. “Take a seat and I’ll bring your drinks over.”

They choose the large sofa in the corner and Vanessa can’t help the giddy feeling that flutters in her stomach when Charity shuffles closer to her and puts a hand on her leg.

“The look on Paddy’s face though,” Charity says, her face still glowing with pride at the impact their kiss had had on the bumbling vet.

“Rhona’s probably explaining it to him right now,” Vanessa says, “you know, using little words that he can understand.”

The thought sends them both into another fit of giggles and Ruby observes them curiously as she walks over with their drinks.

“What’s so funny?” she asks, placing the drinks carefully on the table. Vanessa looks at Charity, who nods and looks at Ruby.

“We just gave Paddy the fright of his life is all,” Vanessa said, “He didn’t know that Charity and I were together until just now and I think it was a bit of a shock.”

Ruby smiles and nods slowly, looking confused. After a second or two, the penny drops and her smile grows wider.

“Oh, you mean ‘together’ together. I had no idea either of you batted for our team,”

Charity laughs, “I don’t play for any team in particular,” she says, picking up her coffee and taking a small sip. Ruby looks at Vanessa, who realises all of a sudden that she hadn’t given much thought to the whole label thing. Did being attracted to Charity and Rhona and wanting to be with a woman make her a lesbian? Although none of the sex she’d had with men could even compare to sex with Charity, she had never completely hated it. What if sex with Charity was just mind blowing because it was Charity and not because she was a woman?

Ruby seems to sense her sudden confusion.

“You know you don’t need to pick a team right? Love is love.”

Charity splutters into her coffee at Ruby’s use of the L word and Vanessa snorts with laughter at the sight of her eyes practically bulging out of her head.

“Cheers Ruby,” she smiles, “I’ve only just gotten her to admit we’re a couple and now you’re scaring her off with four letter words.”

Ruby starts to apologise when Brenda shuffles through the door, laden with bags, asking for help. The two women disappear into the kitchen to put things away and Vanessa turns to Charity, who seems to have calmed down a bit but is still looking a bit like a frightened kitten.

“Let’s just pretend she didn’t say anything, okay?” Vanessa suggests and Charity seems relieved at the thought.

It’s not that she’s afraid of romance and commitment – after all, she’s been married twice – but she’s not sure that either of her marriages were based in love. Although she’d thought she loved Jai in the end, both marriages had been about financial security to begin with. It was no coincidence that both of her husbands had been rich and successful – after a life on the streets, it was hard not to the stability and comfort that rich husbands could provide.

Vanessa is different. She’s not poor by any stretch of the imagination, but Charity knows that she wouldn’t care if she was. Instead, the thing that had drawn her to Vanessa, pulled her into her orbit and kept her there, was a different kind of security. It was the security of being able to trust and rely on someone – even with the dark stuff from her past that she had never shared with anyone else. The fact that Vanessa hadn’t run a mile when the truth about Bails came out was perhaps more important to Charity than Vanessa realised. She’d spent her life reinventing herself for men and burying herself deeper and deeper every time.

The fact that she’s so damn kissable and hot is just a bonus.

When Brenda emerges, she makes a beeline for them.

“Are you ladies wanting anything else?” she asks.

Charity smirks and puts an arm around Vanessa’s shoulder, pulling her closer.

“No ta Brenda, I’ve got everything I want right here.” She presses her lips into Vanessa’s hair and then bites her lip as Brenda nods mutely and bustles back into the kitchen.

“Ruby,” they hear her hiss, in the loudest whisper either of them have ever heard. “Did you know they were a couple?”

“The whole village will know by tea time,” Charity laughs as they finish their drinks and leave.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. X


End file.
